Thursday, May 30, 2013

A Nightmare at Target

My trip to Target today turned into a trip to nightmare town, and no I don’t mean because I spent too much money. I mean honestly who doesn’t spend too much money when they go there? If there is a person on this planet who can spend less than $30.00 when they go there then by all means I suggest that you write a book and hold a seminar because you my friend will make millions, but I’ve gotten sidetracked. My trip turned into my worst nightmare. I lost my child in Target and I may never recover.

That’s right you read those words correctly, although I don’t know that lost is the proper description but maybe missed my child. Yes missed my child by mere seconds as the elevator doors closed with him on one side and me on the other.  Let’s talk about panic for a moment…okay enough of that I’m starting to panic again. It is by far the worst feeling in the world. When your brain and body go into panic mode there is no telling what is going to happen.  

To know me is to know that my children are my world.  I would never put them or allow them to get into any situation that would harm them. I’m not a helicopter mom, more like a paper airplane mom. You know the mom who hovers a bit but turns away ever so slightly to let her children discover the world on their own. My boys are young so by discover the world on their own I mean play in the sandbox without me sitting on top of them. I do not mean get into an elevator and take it down into a parking garage on their own. HELL NO!! Yet somehow today, that was exactly what happened.

It all started out as a regular trip to Target; only today I had both the 4yo and the 2yo with me because Thursday is not a preschool day for my oldest. We went there to buy apple juice for my 4yo’s “Special Day” in school tomorrow, where I get to be class mom and provide the snack. We left with apple juice, saran wrap, icing, a sundress, and a pack of gum, which in and of itself felt like a success. I parked in the underneath parking garage mainly because my boys love to shout and hear their voices echo back and they both think the elevator is super cool. I shared in this feeling until today.

We paid for our things and headed towards the elevator. My 4yo, living in his own little world bumped into an old lady and I said to him honey please watch where you are going and say sorry to that lady. She smiled and said “It’s okay he is happy and I’m fine.”  I smiled and we continued on our way. My son asked if he could hit the button to which I said sure go ahead. The elevator opened he got in and I am not kidding as I pushed the cart with my 2yo the doors were flying shut. I tried to bang the cart into the doors to stop it and then tried to hit the button but nothing. It was too late. I saw my son staring at me as the doors closed and that was it….UTTER PANIC!! I started to scream and cry. I was hitting the button as if it was going to make time magically turn back. My 2yo sensed the panic in me and he started to scream and shout his brother’s name at the top of his lungs. So now I am trying to comfort my youngest while I am still losing my mind. The second elevator opened and my instinct made me jump in and head down.  When I got there…he was not there. I screamed his name 100 times all while frantically hitting the button to go back up.  We got back in and headed back up to find my 4yo standing holding hands with the old lady he had bumped into and her nurse.  (for the record if you see a security video go viral of a woman losing it in an elevator and probably using quite a bit of profanity, yup it was me.)

I cried. I cried like I haven’t cried in God knows how long. I never want to feel that way again. I hugged him. He was so calm. The old lady looked at me and said you poor thing. That stupid elevator shut so fast I told my nurse to go complain to customer service. You were so worried I was trying to tell you that I would wait here in case he came back up but I knew you couldn’t hear anything. You were in survival mode.
This is my Grandma, she's awesome and this is how I will always picture the old lady in Target (my angel)
Still crying I said “I can’t thank you enough. I was beyond panicked.”  She looked at me and said “Well I can tell you’re a good mother so don’t beat yourself up.”  Then she looked at my son and said “Don’t ever get on an elevator again without holding mommy’s hand okay?” “Okay I promise” he said. We got in the car and I went over all the things he should do if he is ever separated from me again. He said okay to me as if I was annoying him but I repeated it anyway.

I can tell you one thing, my son didn’t think about this incident once after we got into the car.  I however have replayed it approximately 2,761 times. I love my boys more than anything on this planet and the things that could have possibly happened in this situation will most likely cause me to lose sleep for quite some time. I never thought something like this would happen to me. I mean I’ve heard about things like this and thought: No way would that happen to me. Today I realized it can and it did. I am a mom. I am not perfect. I make mistakes. I beat myself up over them sometimes.  I will probably not go to Target for at least a week!

When you leave a comment on this one tell me a time that sent you into “panic/survival mode” Tell me about the time as a parent that made you lose sleep.
Me & my oldest. (He's never riding an elevator again!)

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Where's The Rewind Button?

My youngest son turned 2 today. Two years ago today he changed my world for a second time in ways that I never dreamt possible.  There is nothing quite like meeting the little life that you made after 9 long months of waiting to hold them.  The first time you see their face, hold their hand and look into their eyes is nothing short of miraculous. There is absolutely nothing like it.  I remember when my first son was born I cried and said to my mother as she came in to meet him, “I have never loved anyone this much.” She responded with a simple “I know” and wiped back tears.  Before my youngest arrived I knew I would feel that way all over again the minute I got to hold him…and I did.  Two years ago today I felt that overwhelming feeling of love, and great responsibility rush over me. Two years. Where does the time go?

I have to admit I am guilty of something, not only guilty but slightly ashamed of it. I am guilty of hitting the fast forward button. Yes that’s right the fast forward button.  When I first brought each of the boys home I reveled in snuggle time, feeding time, diaper changing, cooing, and kissing and so on. Then reality hits you in the face like a big fat spatula and you are flipping Exhausted.  So you (or at least I do) look for the fast forward button. You suddenly find yourself saying oh my god when will this baby sleep? When will my big fat kangaroo pooch go down? When will my boobs feel and look normal again? (Oh never that’s right!) When will I ever feel somewhat human again? (That’s debatable) I suddenly found myself wishing or looking forward to the next stage. Oh it will be so great when this little guy is sleeping for 3 hours at a clip. Then that happens. Oh it will be so great when he only needs to feed twice a night.  (As you can figure out I do not do well under sleep deprivation circumstances)

Then come the milestones.  It will be so much easier when he can crawl, stand, walk so he can keep up with his big brother.  I can’t wait for teething to be over the poor kid is miserable (oh and not sleeping yet again).  The list of things can go on and on and I said these things without even realizing that in doing so I was pushing a fast forward button.  Please don’t think that I didn’t enjoy my babies first years because I did but as my youngest turns two today I am overwhelmed with many emotions and some of them have me wishing for a rewind button.  You see in all likelihood the little guy is probably my last baby and I find myself wishing I could hold him one more time as a newborn, and sniff his hair as I rock him at 1am, and feed him while I know the rest of my neighborhood is fast asleep.  I think I always thought we would have one more after him and now I’m left feeling like I didn’t appreciate our time as much as I should have.  I feel myself wishing there had been a way to bottle up the sensation of lying in bed at night and feeling the life we had created kick inside of me. I wish I could hear the sound of that amazing heart beat through the fetal Doppler or watch in amazement as the ultrasound technician shows us our little baby swimming around.

I wish I had memorized everything about the moment the Dr. said “It’s a boy” and placed him on my chest for the first time. I wish I had spent more time enjoying the late night feedings instead of doing them one eyed all while dreaming about getting back into bed.  I wish I could relive the first time he crawled, walked or said mama. The first time he reached up for me.  I want to do it all again. I want just one day to rewind and relive all of it, but I can’t.  

Then I realize that if I went back I wouldn’t be here with both of my boys how they are now and I don’t want to trade that. Okay some days I might, when they are fighting with each other and talking back to me and whining all day but I won’t.  I’ll keep them how they are now and appreciate my days moving forward.  I’ll take the good, the bad and the ugly with the two people who made me realize why I am here.  They made me a mom the day they were born but they make me a better person every day.  

The thing is I do have memories. I have them all. Memories are what define us as we go through life. Our past makes us who we are in our present which makes us who we want to be in our future. I remember all the details about holding each of them for the first time, and their big milestones and I know there were many times I sat with each of them at 1am and sniffed their baby shampooed heads and whispered I loved them. I did all of it and doing it over would only change who they are.  So maybe it’s not really about doing it over but more about knowing I will never do it again.

I asked a dear friend one time how I would know when I was done having kids. She said it’s simple. You will look at your family one day and you will know if it’s complete.  The thing about family is maybe it’s never really complete.  There is always room for it to grow.  It doesn’t necessarily mean you have to have more children of your own it means that family extends further than those under your own roof.  Families grow every day. There is always room for more. There is room for nieces, nephews, cousins, grandchildren, great grandchildren and friends. I don’t know that families are ever really complete but rather a constant work in progress.  

So today, on my beautiful boy’s birthday I looked at him and had memories of the baby days all come rushing back. I remembered all the details about the night I went into labor and I remembered the moment the Dr. told my husband and I that we had another boy.  Then I listened to my two year old hold a complete conversation at the library with another mom and I beamed with pride. I watched him smile all day long and tell people he was two.  I took him for a bagel and sat and we had a chat. I wouldn’t trade this stage for anything.  That’s the thing I don’t really want a rewind button after all. I want to be right here in the present because here is a great place to be.  As for the future, no one knows what that holds other than promise. The future is always filled with promise and that is something pretty awesome to look forward to. 

Happy Birthday Buddy! Mommy got you this pause button with all my love.  (Hey nothing wrong with a little pause every now and then)

Hold on to memories, they wind up being the story of your life.

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

You Have Time for WHAT?

When I was little I remember my grandmother had a sign up in her house that said: “Mother’s work from son up until son down.” I remember thinking oh how cute and how dramatic. She also had a sign that said “A woman’s work is never done”. She REALLY liked signs.  As a kid I really didn’t give much thought to either one of these signs. I read them once or 10 times and never thought about them again, or so I thought. Fast forward 30 (SOMETHING) years and here I am, a mother and I find myself working from son up until son down, no that’s not true from son up until I finally go to bed. No that’s not true either, I work from son up until I finally fall asleep in my bed and hope that said son(s) don’t get up because of a bad dream, or needing a cup of water or having to pee because of the cup of water, so yes the second sign was dead on…A woman’s work is NEVER done!

I’ll let you in on a secret but please don’t tell anyone, before I had kids I thought being a stay at home mom was going to be easier. (GASP!! I know.) I pictured myself to be all June Cleaver(ish), or Carol Brady(ish), or Carol Seaver(ish) or even Elyse Keaton(ish) but no I am not any of these women. I am more like crazy(ish). I spend 4 out of 7 days of the week feeling like a hamster on a wheel. Don’t get me wrong, I chose to be home with my children. I left my career and wouldn’t have it any other way but sometimes I feel like I am well…this.


So it got me thinking. Why did my grandmother always seem so happy? Why did she have time to sit down and watch soap operas or I Love Lucy (I can’t see this show without thinking of her and I love it) This is a woman who had 9 children!!! That’s right 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 CHILDREN!!! She was always relaxed at family parties, and when I say relaxed I mean hanging out at the dining room table laughing (belly laughing) with all the adults. She wasn’t running around the kitchen with her head cut off or chasing kids anywhere. No sir she was enjoying the company at her home. Man how I wish she was still alive so I could ask her how she did it, but she’s not. So here are the ten reasons I think she would tell me that mothers of today are OUT OF OUR MINDS!!

1)      Your house cannot nor should it look like a page out of Pottery Barn when you have kids under the age of 10. Stop putting pressure on yourselves to make your homes look unrealistically good. You have little kids embrace the mess!

2)      Get off of Pinterest. No really STOP looking at cupcakes you should make from scratch, wallpaper you should hang yourself, and photo albums you should be making. Really just stop.

3)      Stop over-scheduling your kids. The number of activities your child participates in should not be the same as his or her age. It’s silly. Give them a ball, send them outside and call it a day.

4)      Not every waking moment of your child’s life needs to be a “teachable” moment. It’s okay if breakfast is just a meal you all eat and you don’t practice the ABC’s, algebra & quantum physics.  He’s in kindergarten there’s still time.

5)      WTF is a play date??! (Ok my grandmother would have never said WTF) but still she would have asked what exactly is a play date dear? Why do we have to plan time for our children to PLAY? Why can’t kids just play? Why can’t we be normal and call it what it is…play time. It’s not a date. It’s playing. No one in this house is dating until at least 15.

6)      Stop cleaning. Just stop. Okay don’t completely stop because that would just be gross but my grandmother definitely did not obsess about her floors like I do. She probably didn’t really care when there were 4 boxes of cereal on the table from breakfast right before dinner. She had 9 kids and nobody has time for cereal boxes with 9 kids. No I’m not buying it if anyone says they do.

7)      What is this workout you are trying to fit in? Ok ladies I would have fought her a little on this one because I’ll be honest my run whether 20 minutes, an hour or the rare times it longer than that is good for me. It de-stresses me, it makes me see and think clearly again and I need it. However we need to let go of trying to work out until we fit into some stupid pants we bought or to fit into some image we see in a magazine. My Grandmother would have said: If Victoria’s Secret hasn’t called yet they aren’t calling so just stop. Then she would have said those women should really cover up their tushes.

8)      Enjoy the simple things. Why are you all working so hard for a nicer car, a bigger house, 4 vacations, and a better wardrobe? Your kids don’t care about any of this. Stop trying to keep up with the Jones’ because guess what they are over extended and in a crap load of debt. Take the kids in the backyard with a tent, make some smores and watch the memories unfold. No really, do it!

9)      Stop giving your kids everything they want &/or ask for! (oh but Grandma all the other kids have an IPhone & a TV in their room) No child needs any of that and no child will EVER appreciate the amount of work it takes to get those things if they are handed to them.  I come from a generation of 1 TV and the kids didn’t get to pick what we watched. No sir!

10)  Why are you having a discussion with your four year old about why they are talking back to you? Hmm good question Grandma. Some things are meant to be discussed but when you ask your child to go wash his hands before dinner it’s not a discussion. Do it and be done with it. ( I need to get better at this one)

The days are long, really long. Men work longer hours than they did back in my grandmother’s time. Women work and take care of the kids and time together seems to be less and less. Let’s bring it back old school. Cancel a play date this weekend, keep them home from soccer, put the vacuum down, and just get out as a family. Go fly a kite, catch a fish, go for a walk, or pack a picnic. You will see a side of your child(ren) that will surprise you. It will surprise you in a good old fashioned I Love Lucy belly laugh way.  Find joy in the simplicity.  Thanks Grandma.
"Today is only one day in all the days that will ever be. But what will happen in all the other days that ever come can depend on what you do today." Ernest Hemingway

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

You Are More Than a Number

Anyone who follows my blog regularly knows I like to write letters from time to time. You know like Dear so and so letters, some of them are written in the hopes of reaching a broad group that I literally do not have addresses for Dear Little Girl's Everywhere  and some of them are written in hopes of being read by the recipient (s) one day A Letter To My Boys. Ever since I was a little girl I have loved the written word. I have loved the power of words to move people, to express feelings to others, to make people laugh, cry, understand something, anger people, just to stir up emotions that may otherwise lie dormant, to literally make the writer and the reader feel alive. Let’s face it without feeling there is no life.

Words can move us in great ways but they can also wound us in worse ways. If you are on Facebook or Twitter you know that they are both lit up today with the story about Mike Jeffries the CEO of Abercrombie and Fitch. This article has everyone up in arms, and I get it. I get it big time.  There are times that asses like this guy can be ignored but there are times when they can’t and this one for me just can’t be ignored.  The problem though with people like Mr. Jeffries is he could clearly care less what we feel about his views on his company. He is obviously a pompous ass who thinks he can tell people whether they are “cool” or not. I don’t want to reach out to him. No thank you. In fact I would love to ignore the fact that he even exists but I will not ignore the people he is affecting with his hurtful words.


Dear Teenage Girls,

You are more than a number. You are more than a clothing label. You are more than the group you feel labeled by in high school. Life is bigger than all of that. It may not seem like it now but trust me life is bigger. It is better than the walls of the school you call home right now. There are mean girls, and jerk guys throughout every stage of life clearly Mr. Jeffries is proof of that, but you will be more confident. You won’t care at some point about what other people think. You certainly won’t care what a clothing line like Abercrombie & Fitch thinks of you.

Here is the thing Mr. Jeffries doesn’t understand. There are girls who are a size 0 or a size 2 or gasp a size 4 who struggle more with their body image than someone who is a size 16 and confident in who she is. He is damaging the so called “beautiful” girls he wants to wear his clothes at the same time he is hurting the size 10+ girls. He is forgetting some key things about you all, how smart you all already are. You have the ability to make his store one of the most popular trending clothing lines or one of the least. You are a generation of social media. You are a generation that will gather your peers and follow through. You have the ability to stand up and send a message. You have the power to say enough is enough.

You have the power to tell him that it is the end of the damage being done to girls self -image. You can tell him that you will not be a generation bullied about dress size. You will not be defined by a number. You will not starve yourselves, compulsively exercise, and make yourselves vomit all to fit an image defined by guys like this:

You as a group have the ability to say ENOUGH. We will not shop in a store that doesn’t respect who we are, and who we are is human beings.  You have the ability to show him numbers he never even thought of. Show him the number of girl’s size 0-24 who are done. Done with stores telling them they are a number, they are nothing more than a number and being skinny is what makes you beautiful.  This is not new. As women we have struggled with body image for quite some time and it’s certainly not going to go away overnight, but changes have to be made. You can be that change.

When I was in college I struggled with body image. I have rarely talked about it but those close to me knew it.  I used to count calories, and exercise compulsively to fit into the image I thought was “beautiful” I remember going to a lecture class one day and we had a guest speaker who was handing out muffins. I ate one and the guilt I felt from the “fat” content I just inhaled made me head right out for a run even though I had spent an hour and a half at the gym that morning. By the time I came home my feet were bleeding.  My roommate was sitting on the couch waiting for me and she looked at me and said: I love you, but I can’t watch you do this to yourself anymore and if you can’t stop I will call your family. She saved me. I was a size zero at 5 ft. 5 and I hated by body. I always felt “fat” and it was depressing and sad. I’m sure I lost many friends by constantly complaining that I felt fat, but I did and I know now that I wasn’t. It is a daily struggle for a lot of us, but it can only define us if we let it.
I am a mom now. I have two boys. They think I am beautiful and my priorities are so different now than they were when I was 20 years old.  I hope as future mother’s to a whole new generation you will all stand up and say it. Just say ENOUGH! We are beautiful. We are beautiful at a 2 or a 24. We are special, we are not a number and Mike Jeffries you can kiss our asses! We will not shop at Abercrombie and Fitch because you sir have made it so uncool with your dinosaur thinking we now laugh at your clothes.  In the end you have the power.
All my love & support,
Outsmarted Mommy


Tuesday, May 7, 2013

My Dog Is Alive and I Have A Trophy To Prove It

I have been given the great honor of receiving a trophy from Black Sheep Mom. It’s not just any trophy though it’s called the Triumph Trophy and it was created by two of my favorite bloggers: Karen, over at Baking in a Tornado and Kristi over at Black Sheep Mom If you aren’t reading them well head on over after you finish this. You won’t be disappointed.


So here is how this trophy works:


1.  Display the Trophy in your post.

2.  Write a short piece that starts with:  I Didn't Kill  _________ Today.  It doesn't have to be a person; it can be an appliance, a business, or anything else you choose. 

3.  Nominate a few people and let them know it's their turn to vent.

The first thing I thought when I received this trophy was ok this is just too funny not to do and the second thought was how on earth am I narrowing this down to just one. After much consideration…ok to be honest 3 whole seconds, I will tell you it is a miracle but I DIDN’T KILL MY DOG TODAY. (Or any other day for that matter) Listen before you send PETA after me just know that I would never actually kill my dog but I must admit I find myself saying “I’m going to kill that dog” under my breath an awful lot since having children.

We have a yellow lab and he is really cute. If you don’t believe me here this will prove it.

  Aside from being cute he can also be a giant pain in my ass.  I remember when I was pregnant with my oldest five years ago, one of my best friends said to me: Just wait when that baby arrives you are going to hate your dog. My response was: No way! I could never hate him. He’s so good and he’s too darn cute. By the end of week one with my first born I was starting to dislike my dog.

Fast forward to now and I have two boys running around like complete maniacs ALL DAY LONG. When I’m not keeping them entertained, or running them back and forth from school, activities etc., I am cleaning this darn house. I have to vacuum EVERY DAY. I guess “have to” is in the eye of the beholder but when said eye is filled with dog hair you wind up not being able to see much anyway. Yellow labs are cute, really cute, but they shed, they shed a lot! When you have a baby crawling on the floor you can’t just leave giant tumble weeds made of dog hair in their path or they too become covered in it. So from the time the boys were babies the mad woman vacuuming began.

I spend each and every day playing defense when it comes to food and the dog, because guess what we can’t just have a normal dog who is allowed to eat food that falls on the floor no sir we have the dog who ate a toy as a puppy, had $3,000 stomach surgery to save his life and is now on Pepcid and Gas X at every meal of “special water soaked dog food”. He gets organic yogurt by the teaspoon in his breakfast and dinner. (I'm running a doggie nursing home) That doesn’t stop him though. If my 2 year old is eating a bagel the dog makes it his life’s mission to get that bagel. The dog is basically like having a third child except with fur. I'm telling you too, this dog gives me the finger, ok the paw when I turn my back. I just know he does.

So today he was getting on my last nerve trying to steal food, lick the floor, shedding like we planted a field of cotton plants all over the living room. When I put the 2 year old down for his nap the dog proceeded to fall asleep right outside his room and make that stupid barking while they chase a bunny in their sleep noise which of course woke up the 2 year old. Then I am cleaning one of the bathrooms and I hear my four year old laughing so hard and I think oh how cute the boys are playing so nice let me go check it out…only to find the damn dog doing the butt spins on the carpet. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Stop it before I kill you! I didn’t though because at the end of the day he’s a good dog. He’s kind of stupid in a cute dopey kind of way. Yes he sheds, yes he steals food which sometimes makes him sick, but the boys love him and he loves the boys. He would never, ever do anything to hurt them and because of this I will never actually kill him…but I will still say it under my breath from time to time I’m sure.  Either way I accept this trophy because the dog is seeing another day.

It's Love

It's Love

I am nominating the following awesome bloggers for this Triumph Trophy and I just know they will have something great to go along with it.

Next Life No Kids
My Life As Lucille
Diapers Or Wine

Friday, May 3, 2013

A One Way Ticket To Opinion Town

So it’s the moment…the one you’ve always dreamt of…you peed on the stick and you’re waiting, anxiously waiting.  Suddenly in exactly two minutes time your world has completely changed. Congratulations, you’re going to be a mom. We don’t all get to this place in the same way. Some women plan for months, years and finally it happens. Some women don’t have time to plan at all because surprise…it happens. Some women go through great struggle before finally getting that positive sign. No matter how you got here there is one thing we all share in common, and it’s not the developing human inside of you. It’s the annoying fact that the minute you decide to share with the world that you are in fact pregnant IT begins. IT is so annoying. IT will aggravate you, offend you, cause you to nod and smile more than you ever thought possible, you may even shed a few tears. Just know that you are not alone and IT happens to every new expectant mother and I’m sorry to say once IT starts IT never stops. What is IT? Well IT is an opinion and everyone has one and they are about to think that you want to hear it. UGH! Trust me UGH!

So in no particular order here are a few of my favorite, stick an ice pick in my own ears, opinions that people (usually women because if it’s a guy he didn’t live past the first opinion he shared with a pregnant woman on being pregnant) will share with you.  You should note a lot of them can be disguised at first in the form of a question but just know that they are headed to opinion town just down a different street but you’ll get there eventually.


1.      Are you going to eat that? *Slowly removes chocolate kiss from mouth* I was why? Well everything you eat the baby eats. Chocolate has caffeine in it so you should really think before you eat that. *Now had someone told me my kids were going to have three times as much energy no matter what I ate as I could have with a whole pot of coffee and six Redbull I would have told this person to take a hike and eaten a whole bag of chocolate RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM. You may not get anything about chocolate but trust me at some point some idiot will talk to you about what you are, aren’t and should be eating and it won’t be your Dr. it will be Mrs. Know it all from two cubicles down. She sucks!

2.      Are you going to breast feed or bottle feed? * Well considering I peed on a stick all but 48 hours ago I hadn’t really thought it completely through yet, my bad!* You really should breast feed it’s best for the baby. Formula fed kids have all sorts of issues. *Yes I know what you mean I see them walking around with 4 noses and 6 arms* Here’s the thing about feeding your baby. It’s YOUR baby and you need to do whatever makes you comfortable and happy. A stressed out mother does not make for a happy baby. So don’t worry about what Boobie Betty says if you want to bottle feed your child will be just fine trust me, and vice versa don’t listen to what Negative Nellie has to say about not breastfeeding and using formula instead.  Just because Nellie had a bad experience breastfeeding doesn’t mean you will. Do what you want. You and your baby will be just fine with whatever you choose.

3.      Are you going to stay home with your baby or go back to work? I mean you can’t put a baby in daycare that would just be awful. *Yes I know I hear they are run by wolves* or You can’t JUST stay home with your baby. You will be so bored. What on earth will you do all day? *True I hear kids pretty much take care of themselves after the first few weeks so I see your point*  PLLLLLLEASE!

4.      Are you going to find out what you’re having? NO? You HAVE to find out. How could you not want to know? Don’t you want to plan and be able to buy everything? Isn’t it just going to kill you to not know? *Well I hope it doesn’t kill me because that can’t be good for the baby and buy everything? Are there specific diapers for girls vs. boys? Or cribs? Or bottles?  You’re going to find out what you’re having? You can’t find out. There are so little surprises left in life. *Good point I am in no way surprised by how rude and annoying you are.*

5.      Whatever you do don’t complain to people that you aren’t sleeping because this is sure to follow: HA if you think it’s bad now good luck when the baby comes. You better sleep all you can now because just forget it, it’s over! *Well now I get up because I have to pee 129 times every two hours,  or my back hurts, or my legs hurt, or I have heartburn, or random insomnia so thank you for letting me know that this exhaustion will continue Captain Obvious but I was already aware that babies don’t sleep for 15 hours a night because they require nutrients or some crap*



So there you have it my top 5 annoying opinions given to pregnant women everywhere. Here’s the thing once you become a mom the opinions never stop. You will get uninvited opinions on your child’s food, sleep, play, behavior, speech, potty training (don’t even get me started on that one), preschool, kindergarten, when you should give them a sibling, and on and on it will go. Do yourself a favor and learn to tune people out. I personally like to pretend Adam Levine in singing in my head when people start with an opinion that I didn’t ask for…it’s much more pleasant.  

There is a lot women can learn from other women and there are plenty of times that as mom’s we reach out to each other for advice and it’s welcome advice. We learn from our mom’s, our sister’s, our grandmother’s. There will always be someone though who thinks they did it better because they did it before you and to that I say this: Cavewomen thought they had the whole child rearing thing down, but I’m pretty sure if they were able to see us now they could learn a few things.  There is no better way to do things if what you are doing is what works for you and your child.  Just go with it. You are a mom now and you’ve got this!