Wednesday, June 26, 2013

The Beach: People With Kids vs. People Without Kids


I have two boys.  They require a crap ton of preparation before heading to the beach. As much as I adore summer and the time I get with them I find myself sometimes longing for the days when all it took to go to the beach was me, a towel and a good book. Those days are long gone and I can tell you from experience it is pretty easy to pick out who has kids on a beach and who doesn’t. Kids don’t need to be anywhere near people to tell if they have them or not.                                 

People with kids have two tons of crap with them. No really. They have boogies boards, kick boards, noodles, buckets, shovels, rakes, plastic things shaped like stars and turtles, coolers, chairs, towels (enough for way more than the amount of people with them) 8 varieties of sunscreen, (baby sunscreen, face sunscreen, sunscreen in the form of a stick, spray, cream, sweat proof, water proof, keep you looking like Casper guaranteed), umbrellas, and a big giant blanket.

 

People without kids have a towel, a chair and a cooler.

 

People with kids have a cooler filled with juice boxes, sandwiches, pretzels, goldfish, watermelon, grapes, granola bars, water, cookies, chips, crackers, cheese, yogurt sticks, strawberries and a baked ham for the love of Pete. There is pretty much nothing left in the kitchen of their home. It’s all in the damn cooler.

 

People without kids have beer, water (if they’re smart) and a sandwich.

 

People with kids look exhausted before they even set up for the day. They seriously look like they need a nap, an IV of coffee and possibly a hospital stay.

 

People without kids look either hung over or well rested. There is nothing in between.

 

People with kids set up beach chairs but never sit in them for all that long. They are either building a sand castle, getting their kids a snack, chasing a  kid,  calming a crying kid, applying sunscreen to a kid, preventing a kid from going out to sea or looking around and wondering how long everyone will stay happy.  They absolutely never get to sit back and close their eyes. No sir. People with kids are like Prison Wardens…always watching.

 

People without kids are sitting in their chairs, holding conversations, sipping a beer, or simply watching the waves.  They may even *GASP* get to close their eyes and take a nap. (I’m getting sleepy just thinking about it)

 

When people with kids decide it’s time to leave the beach it’s usually because the kids are crying, hitting each other, pooped through a stupid flipping swimmy diaper or there are no snacks left to keep the kids quiet.  It takes them approximately 45 minutes and 12 seconds to pack up all the crap they showed up with.  They may actually NEED a hospital stay at this point.

They head to their mini vans and SUVs and throw all the crap in the back. They then load up all the kids, get in the car and head home to relax. HAHAHAHHAHAHA No that’s not right. They head home to give a bunch of tired kids baths, feed them (kids seriously eat ALL THE TIME) and hopefully get them to bed before they themselves are face first in a plate of cold spaghetti.

 

People without kids fold up their chairs and head off the beach to a bar.  They then go home take peaceful hot showers and sleep for 14 hours.

 

So listen people without kids enjoy your days at the beach. Every now and then give us a wave and a smile of sympathy and if you ever happen to catch our tired asses out at a bar buy us a drink. We had to get our kids ready, hire a sitter and oh forget it that’s a whole other story.

While you may remember the chaos your children will only remember the happiness
 

 

 

 

 

 

48 comments:

  1. One of the things I dread most is that rosy look on my husbands face when he starts talking about how GREAT it will be to take the kids to the beach

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Pack cocktails and tell him to chase the kids! :)

      Delete
  2. It's ALWAYS an adventure!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Cannot tell you how much I miss the beach. Two weeks on Cape Cod and 2 weeks on Marco Island per year just doesn't cut it. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'd rather go with my kids at their worst than not be able to go.

    That said, last time we were on the Cape, my son got stung by a jellyfish. Last time we were on Marco the kids were petting a hammerhead. Things sure do get interesting with kids at the beach.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I would miss it too I must admit. Ah jellyfish...my sister was always getting stung by them when we were kids. It became the joke of every vacation. :)

      Delete
  4. I do love the beach...and my kid's face when she finds out that we are headed in that direction. However, I secretly cringed this week when I found out that we were going to the beach/shore for a few days...there's definite work involved and sometimes, I just don't want to do it.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Don't worry, as the kids get older it gets a little easier! They stop eating sand, stop sprinting down the entire length of the beach like their butts are on fire, and stop crying over missing shovels. Instead they learn to swim, play with each other in the water, and only bug you for food, which I don't think they'll ever outgrow! But, if like me, you decide after a 10 year gap to have another baby, you'll find all that stuff comes right back ;)

    ReplyDelete
  6. Once they get older, they can carry the crap! I'm still at the parents carry it all and leaving when the kids "say" it's time ( when they start getting tired). We will miss it once it's gone, or so I keep telling myself. Happy totting junk around summer to you!!

    ReplyDelete
  7. HaHa!!! Just got back from a week at the beach and this is all so so true!!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Lol you had me cracking up! This is so true! We went to the beach with our 3 girls last week (ages 2,4 and 8) and that pretty much how it went! I am still picking up sand that I am finding in random places!

    ReplyDelete
  9. If you have not selected a beach chair, here are some suggestions that will help you choose the best beach chair for you to enjoy a totally relaxing time at the beach. beach chairs

    ReplyDelete
  10. Writing with style and getting good compliments on the article is quite hard, to be honest.But you've done it so calmly and with so cool feeling and you've nailed the job. This article is possessed with style and I am giving good compliment. Best! CGear Beach Blankets

    ReplyDelete
  11. It has fully emerged to crown Singapore's southern shores and undoubtedly placed her on the global map of residential landmarks. I still scored the more points than I ever have in a season for GS. I think you would be hard pressed to find somebody with the same consistency I have had over the years so I am happy with that. clamp on beach umbrellas

    ReplyDelete
  12. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I book marked it to my bookmark webpage list and will be checking back in the near future. Please visit my web site too and let me know what you think. 토토

    ReplyDelete
  14. You have a good point here! I totally agree with what you have said!! Thanks for sharing your views. hope more people will read this article!!
    온라인경마
    경마사이트

    ReplyDelete
  15. This is really helpful post and very informative there is no doubt about it.
    온라인카지노

    ReplyDelete
  16. I’m excited to uncover this page. I need to to thank you for ones time for this particularly fantastic read. 카지노사이트프로

    ReplyDelete
  17. It’s very informative and you are obviously very knowledgeable in this area. 카지노사이트

    ReplyDelete
  18. I will truly value the essayist's decision for picking this fantastic article fitting to my matter. 온라인카지노

    ReplyDelete
  19. Your ideas inspired me very much. roulette It's amazing. I want to learn your writing skills. In fact, I also have a website. If you are okay, please visit once and leave your opinion. Thank you.


    ReplyDelete
  20. There is perceptibly a bundle to realize about this. I suppose you made various good points in features also. 토토사이트

    ReplyDelete
  21. I want to to thank you for this good read!! I definitely enjoyed every little bit of it. 경마사이트

    ReplyDelete
  22. I would appreciate you that you pick up an important topic to write a thoroughly informative post on. 릴게임

    ReplyDelete
  23. 토토사이트순위December 13, 2021 at 1:04 AM

    I accidentally searched and visited your site. I still saw several posts during my visit, but the text was neat and readable. I will quote this post and post it on my blog. Would you like to visit my blog later? 토토사이트순위

    ReplyDelete
  24. This is the post I was looking for roulette I am very happy to finally read about the Thank you very much. Your post was of great help to me. If you are interested in the column I wrote, please visit my site .

    ReplyDelete
  25. I really like what you guys tend to be up too. This kind of clever work and exposure! Keep up the amazing works guys I’ve incorporated you guys to our blogroll. 온라인카지노

    ReplyDelete
  26. Great article I enjoy reading your thoughts. More power to your website. Please visit mine too 카지노사이트

    ReplyDelete
  27. 먹튀검증커뮤니티December 14, 2021 at 11:57 PM

    Howdy! Do you know if they make any plugins to assist with SEO? I’m trying to get my blog to rank for some targeted keywords but I’m not seeing very good results. If you know of any please share. Cheers! 먹튀검증커뮤니티

    ReplyDelete
  28. Hello! Nice to meet you, I say . The name of the community I run is 메리트카지노, and the community I run contains articles similar to your blog. If you have time, I would be very grateful if you visit my site .

    ReplyDelete
  29. Hey what a brilliant post I have come across and believe me I have been searching out for this similar kind of post for past a week and hardly came across this. Thank you very much and will look for more postings from you. 먹튀검증 and I am very happy to see your post just in time and it was a great help. Thank you ! Leave your blog address below. Please visit me anytime!

    ReplyDelete
  30. You have remarked very interesting details ! Also visit my site
    바카라사이트

    ReplyDelete
  31. Fantastic article I ought to say and thanks to the info. Instruction is absolutely a sticky topic.
    스포츠토토

    ReplyDelete
  32. Looking at this article, I miss the time when I didn't wear a mask. 오공슬롯 Hopefully this corona will end soon. My blog is a blog that mainly posts pictures of daily life before Corona and landscapes at that time. If you want to remember that time again, please visit us.

    ReplyDelete
  33. I've been searching for hours on this topic and finally found your post. 슬롯사이트 , I have read your post and I am very impressed. We prefer your opinion and will visit this site frequently to refer to your opinion. When would you like to visit my site?

    ReplyDelete
  34. ค่ายสล็อตออนไลน์ที่ดีที่สุด slotxo เว็บตรง ไม่ผ่านเอเย่นต์ เกมสล็อตยอดนิยม มาเเรง ครบทุกเกม มีให้เลือกเล่นมากกว่า 100 เกม ดาวน์โหลด slotxo เเล้วเล่นผ่านเว็บไซต์ได้ทันที สมัครสล็อต รับโบนัสฟรี 100% เคดิรฟตรีไม่อั้น โปรโมชั่นเพียบ กดรับได้เองไม่ต้องเเชร์ ฝากถอนไม่มีขั้นต่ำ ไม่ต้องต้องทำเทิร์น ถอนได้ไม่อั้น !!

    ReplyDelete
  35. Very much appreciated. Thank you for this excellent article. Keep posting!
    new jersey divorce lawyer

    ReplyDelete
  36. Wow another very good knowledge Thanks for the great information. And it’s quite useful.

    accidentes de camiones
    abogados de accidentes de camiones

    ReplyDelete