When I was a kid there were things my parents would say to me that would instantly make me think: There is no way I will EVER say that to my kids no matter how bad they are being. I don’t mean hurtful things. My parents never said mean or hurtful things to me and my sister. I mean lame things. I can literally remember thinking Ha come on that again? That does not work, come up with new material people. Now here I am a mom and I find myself saying said lame things more often than I would care to admit. Sometimes these things come out of my mouth and I swear I turn around looking for my mother. So it got me thinking maybe once we become a parent there is a script that we are given. Maybe we don’t even know we are following a script. Maybe all that paperwork they made me sign at the hospital which I admit I did not fully read, contained some type of contract that said once your kids reach a certain age there is a limited list of things to say when you are reprimanding them. So here in no particular order are all the things that I swore I would NEVER say but find myself actually saying lately.
1. Who do you think you are talking to? I am your mother. I always feel like an idiot after this comes out of my mouth. I mean my god they know I am their mother and when I say this, my almost 5yo looks at me like ah yeah I know who you are. Do you know who you are? It’s like the ultimate trick question.
2. Don’t make me call your father! First of all I used to hate when my mother said this to me. Secondly it just sends my kids the message that I am already feeling like I can’t handle what’s going on and now I need to call in the big guns.
3. Santa is watching. It’s June and when I say this all it does is send my 4 year old into a twenty minute conversation about what he wants for Christmas, which in the end is just punishment for me not him.
4. Don’t make me come in there!! When I say this I often think well what is going to happen when I have to go in there? What am I going to say then? Okay you made me come in here so now what?
5. When I ask my kids “Who did this?” in regards to a spill, a magazine torn to shreds, a screen door without a screen (yes this has happened) , a dog covered in finger paint or smashed blueberries (yes this has also happened) I always get the same response: “I don’t know but it wasn’t me.” I have started responding with a “Well I guess if you guys didn’t do it, it must have been a ghost.” I said this last night and my husband started laughing and actually said “Holy cow you just sounded like my mother circa 1978.” EEEKKKK!!!
6. Wait what you're bored? You think you have it rough? When I was a kid we didn't have a DVD player in the car. No sir. We played count the cars on road trips and we liked it. This is pretty much the equivalent of the I used to walk 10 miles each way to school up hill in the snow we used to get from our parents.
So there you have it, the things I swore I would never say but I am saying...a lot! I just know it's only a matter of time before I start throwing around the "I am your mother not your friend" or the "I don't care what everyone else is doing, they don't live here." and let us not forget the "While you live under my roof you will live by my rules." This is coming I just know it. The script has already been written my friends.