Welcome Chaos

It’s so easy to get wrapped up in the everyday chaos.  It’s so easy to focus on the little things. I find myself stressing about the morning routine, my lack of sleep from the night before, the mess that is my house, and the list of things that I know the day ahead of me holds.  I stress about the homework that will arrive home that day and getting dinner onto the table in enough time to give the kids baths and get them to bed so that they get just the right amount of sleep for the next day.

I stress about spending enough time with each of the boys while also finding time to write, grocery shop, get the car inspected, run an event at preschool, clean the house and be a wife.  I stress about it all. I find myself at the end of the day often thinking, “I need a break.” Tonight as I sat with the boys for story time and the five year old read to us I couldn’t help but think about how I got here, how we all got here.

There was a time when it was just me and my husband. We slept in on the weekends. We went out for late dinners. We hung out with friends. We traveled on a whim. We slept (I may have already mentioned that.)  Two years into our marriage we decided it was time to start a family.  From the moment we made that decision I envisioned what our life would one day be. I envisioned us just the way we were, but surrounded by children. I knew our lives would change, but I don’t think you can ever really know how much they will change until they actually do. That being said I monitored my cycles, I knew when I was ovulating and I was so eager to become a mom.

I will never forget the day that the little stick showed a plus sign. The overwhelming feelings of both joy and fear came over me. This was it. We were going to be parents. I would love to say that I told my husband in some really cute way but to be honest the moment he walked in the door I just screamed WE’RE PREGNANT! And so we began our journey.  Our first ultrasound was scheduled and I was so excited to begin the journey we had been waiting for. As I got myself up on the table I smiled from ear to ear. The technician told me to relax and that the gel would be cold.  She began. She didn’t say anything. She didn’t look at me. I knew. She excused herself and as I sat there feeling beyond vulnerable a million things began to run through my head. I started to think about the future I had imagined. I saw myself standing in the kitchen watching my husband play with the kids outside. I saw the bedrooms that were currently empty becoming the home to our children who I would check on every night before bed. I started to cry and the Doctor walked in. She took my hand and said I am so sorry but the baby has no heartbeat and I cried. I cried from disbelief. I cried from sorrow. I cried from fear.

I felt fear that we might never experience the chaos of everyday life with children, that our house might never be filled with laughter other than our own.  I cried thinking I may never trip over a toy on my way to bed or have a teddy bear to pick up and put away before I brushed my teeth. I cried thinking I might never have a child who needed help with homework or that our dinner table would never contain more than two people. I cried because it was in that moment of loss that I knew just how much I wanted a family.

Tonight as I sat with my two, beautiful boys and I listened to my five year old read us a story I couldn’t help but flash back to the moment I feared none of this would ever come true.  Our lives are chaotic and our house is never quiet but I never liked the quiet anyway. The silence that filled the room the day of that ultrasound was louder than any noise I have ever heard. The sound of my boy’s heartbeats was the best sound I have ever heard. Sure the sound of each of their heartbeats has been followed with the sounds of crying, laughter, fighting, screaming, running, and playing and there are times when I think I would love some peace and quiet, but this is what I wanted and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

I realized tonight that we are here and there is no place I would rather be. As I walked the boys to bed I stepped on three cars and a train and I couldn’t help but laugh. This is exactly what I wanted. The chaos isn’t something to stress about, it’s something to celebrate.

 

 

and this seems fitting...

 

 

Motherhood Monday~Homework Struggles: Parent vs. Teacher

 

 

 

 

Homework can be one of the biggest struggles between a parent and a child. As the parent we want to help, but how much is too much, and what if they don't want our help, but need it. Today Bonnie Frank (a.k.a. Lady Blogger) joins us for Motherhood Monday to give us the perspective of both a mother and a teacher. I grew up with a teacher for a mother and now that I am a mom I can only imagine how hard it was to separate the two...especially when it came time for homework. Bonnie is here to give us moms some much needed tips when it comes to making homework time a lot less painful.

 

 Bonnie Frank (a.k.a. LadyBlogger) has a Master's Degree in Education and is a former teacher and college professor who has taught hundreds of elementary, middle school and college students. Bonnie has two teenage sons and is married to a man she's been with for 32 years.  You can read more of her thoughts on her LadyBlogger website (http://ladyblogger.net) and on Facebook, Twitter,  Pinterest and Google +.  

 

 

 

 

Homework Struggles: Parent vs. Teacher

I've worn both parent and teacher hats for the past 17 years and I understand the struggles that homework can cause among parents, children and teachers.   The idea behind homework is that kids should have an opportunity to practice what is being covered in class.  Today, some teachers implement a "flipped classroom" model where students watch instructional videos at home and class time is used for questions, review and introduction to the next lesson. In either case, kids have something to do at home...
    **On any given day, the following question is heard in homes of traditionally schooled and homeschooled kids around the world:
       Scenario #1: "Mom/Dad, can you help me with my

       homework...?"
 What do parents and teachers think when they hear this  

question?

Parent
I want my child to succeed in school.  My child needs me and I don't want to let him down.  I'll just show him the way that I know how to do it.  It's much faster and easier than today's "new math" anyway. 
Note: This parent is feeling insecure about his parenting skills and/or the child's academic abilities.  Having the child go to school with the homework completed will make the parent and the child look/feel better.  

Teacher
Homework is the student's responsibility.  This parent has already graduated from ______ (fill in child's grade here) and no longer needs to prove that he/she can do this level of homework.
Note:  Teachers need to evaluate the child's abilities.  When parents "help" with homework, it leads to arguments between parent and child as well as a message to the child that s/he is incapable.  This is no help!

I have been the parent in scenario #1.  I know what it's like to see your child struggle, cry, yell, throw things and quit when attempting to finish a homework assignment.  I also know the parental frustration and child's look of helplessness when he tells you, "That's not the way my teacher told me to do it."

No one wants a child to fail--not the teacher, not the parent, and especially not the child!  But interfering in your child's time to practice his/her skills and knowledge is a clear message that s/he is incapable in your eyes.  Moreover, rather than helping, it is actually impeding your child's success.  Your child will not learn to succeed unless you let him.
So what's a parent to do? 
     Scenario #2 "Mom/Dad, can you help me with my homework...?
   How the parent and teacher respond to/reflect on this question:

Parent
"Look at the assignment again and if you still have questions about it, call (not text or Skype) one or two of your friends from the class and see if that helps.  If that doesn't work, try again and if you are still having difficulty, email (not text, call or Skype) your teacher, let her know the steps you've taken to get your assignment done, and ask to arrange a time (before school, lunch, free periods or after school) that the two of you can meet and you can get some help."

Teacher
"I am so glad that __________ (fill in student's name) emailed me (not texted, called or Skyped) about the homework last night.  It is clear that s/he really tried to complete the work and was responsible enough to let me know right away rather than waiting until the beginning of class the following day.  This shows that s/he cares about the assignment and takes responsibility for his/her learning.  I really wish more of my students were like this."

Note: Parents who homeschool their children may need to say "I'm wearing my mom/dad hat right now, not my teacher hat..."

The question in scenarios 1 and 2 were the same, but the reactions to that question were very different in each scenario.  As with anything else in life, although we cannot control what happens, we can control how we react to it. Showing our children that we believe in them and their abilities is crucial.  This doesn't mean that our kids must figure out everything by themselves (remember calling friends, emailing/meeting a teacher), but it does mean that they need to take responsibility for their own learning.  If the situation arises where the student requires assistance on a regular basis and a tutor is needed, the tutor should not be the parent.  A parent's job is to parent.  (Even if that parent also homeschools his/her children.)  There are loads of tutors out there including Education majors at local colleges and universities looking for (free) practicum hours!


Parenting is a tough job and the more we can allow ourselves opportunities to enjoy our children, the better (and more peaceful) our home lives will be.  I'd love to know your thoughts on the homework struggles!

Looking for a book that can help your homework woes?  John Rosemond's  Ending The Homework Hassle is a good place to start.  This book offers "step-by-step directions for implementing a successful homework management system."  Regardless of whether you choose to use his suggestions, Rosemond's approach provides parents food for thought. This book is available in paper form and on e readers.  

The 12 Days of School

There were a lot of things I anticipated about my first “real” school year I just didn’t think it would all happen so quickly.

On the first day of school my five year old brought to me an invitation to a party.

On the 2^nd day of school my five year old brought to me 2 fundraisers and an invitation to a party.

On the 3^rd day of school my five year old brought to me 3 new books, 2 fundraisers and an invitation to a party.

On the 4^th day of school my five year old brought to me 4 pieces of artwork, 3 new books, 2 fundraisers and an invitation to a party.

On the 5^th day of school my five year old brought to me 5 uneaten grapes, 4 pieces of artwork, 3 new books, 2 fundraisers, and an invitation to a party.

On the 6^th day of school my five year old brought to me 6 more fundraisers, 5 uneaten grapes, 4 pieces of artwork, 3 new books, 2 fundraisers, and an invitation to a party.

On the 7^th day of school my five year old brought to me 7 things to write checks for, 6 more fundraisers, 5 uneaten grapes, 4 pieces of artwork, 3 new books, 2 fundraisers, and an invitation to a party.

On the 8^th day of school my five year old brought to me 8 pages of reading, 7 things to write checks for, 6 more fundraisers, 5 uneaten grapes, 4 pieces of artwork, 3 new books, 2 fundraisers, and an invitation to a party.

On the 9^th day of school my five year old brought to me 9 notices of upcoming meetings, 8 pages of reading, 7 things to write a check for, 6 more fundraisers, 5 uneaten grapes, 4 pieces of artwork, 3 new books, 2 fundraisers, and an invitation to a party.

On the 10^th day of school my five year old brought to me 10 pages of information to fill out, 9 notices of upcoming meetings, 8 pages of reading, 7 things to write a check for, 6 more fundraisers, 5 uneaten grapes, 4 pieces of artwork, 3 new books, 2 fundraisers, and an invitation to  a party.

On the 11^th day of school my five year old brought to me 11 requests for play dates, 10 pages of information to fill out, 9 notices of upcoming meetings, 8 pages of reading, 7 things to write a check for, 6 more fundraisers, 5 uneaten grapes, 4 pieces of artwork, 3 new books, 2 fundraisers, and an invitation to a party

On the 12^th day of school my five year old brought to me 12 reasons why he wants to buy lunch, 11 requests for play dates, 10 pages of information to fill out, 9 notices of upcoming meetings, 8 pages of reading, 7 things to write a check for, 6 more fundraisers, 5 uneaten grapes, 4 pieces of artwork, 3 new books, 2 fundraisers, and an INVITATION TO A PARTY………….

 

Okay everyone only 9 months to go.