Tuesday, January 28, 2014

The Uninvited House Guests


I’ve always heard about those guests who show up unannounced. No phone call, no text, not even so much as an email asking if you have any plans that may hinder them thinking it’s okay to just show up. I have heard about them. To be honest my family isn’t the show up unannounced kind of family. There is usually always at the very least a text and we live around the corner from each other. I guess living around the corner from your family gives you the guarantee that no one will be showing up with a suitcase and no departure date.

At least that is what I thought. This happened once before but to be honest it was 3 years ago and I guess I forgot all about it. Time has passed and I got too comfortable. I didn’t think they were coming back. I forgot how they show up unannounced when you least expect it and then it happened. BAM! They arrived.  This is no ordinary arrival though. They show up out of the blue when you haven’t seen or talked to them in three whole years and you’re expected to be prepared. You are expected to have the food they like, the drinks they enjoy, their favorite television shows lined up on your DVR, and don’t even get me started on the daily activities to fill their time.

It’s like living in a pressure cooker. The worst part is not only did they show up with suitcases but they showed up with boxes and it pretty much looks like they are moving in permanently. Last time they were here they stayed for 9 long months. When they left I could still feel their presence for months. It was horrible.  I walk on egg shells around them. One minute they are completely happy with your hospitality the next minute they are throwing a fit that this is in fact the worst place they could possibly have to stay.

I am spending my days hoping that the breakfast choices are up to par, the crusts on the lunch sandwiches have been cut properly and don’t even get me started on the dinner menu. It doesn’t seem that I can please them in this arena, not yet anyway.

I spend my mornings making sure the house is clean but to be honest I might as well be throwing flour into a fan. They are such slobs. They take things from places and move them into other places. They leave things everywhere.  If I move something into a place they don’t want well holy hell I will hear about that for hours.

It’s not easy living with house guests who show up unannounced, don’t tell you an estimated departure date and are completely irrational, irritable, and impossible to talk to.

The Terrible Twos have arrived. They have arrived on a clear cut mission and they have no intention of leaving anytime soon. I can tell you this much, they are by far the worst house guests anyone could ever have. Having them here requires way more patience than humanly possible, a full bottle of Advil in the house at all times and of course wine. If the Terrible Twos Family show up at your door I wish you luck.  They are going to settle in quickly so be prepared.  You will not be able to get rid of them until they are good and ready, trust me on this.  
I can tell you however that they will get tired of your house at some point. They will pack up their things and be on their way. You won’t even realize they’re gone right away but once you do you will feel ecstatic. You will feel that way until their cousins the Horrible 3s family knocks on the door but don’t worry you will probably get a 3 week break to recoup some sense of sanity…if you’re lucky.
                                     I said I wanted ham & cheese not PB&J!!!
 
                                   Do you have MORE cake?! OH you better!
                                          

23 comments:

  1. HA. Totally, totally true. My son is sneaking his way toward them... random outbursts, screeching for no reason, furious for inexplicable reasons: You put me in the bath. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. You took me out of the bath. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAh. What the hell.

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    1. Ah crap they're at your house too! There is no rhyme or reason to the madness. Stock up on Advil and wine now. ;)

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  2. Oh yes The Terrible Twos! They stayed at my house twice. I was so happy to see them leave!

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  3. They were here once too. I am expecting a return visit at the end of next year. Just in time for the holidays.

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    1. Yikes nothing like unwanted guests at the holidays. Good luck!

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  4. Oh, honey. I remember these house guests well. Here is hoping they don't stay long!

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    1. From your mouth to their little ears! :)

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  5. They are the finickiest guests ever, and that includes my OCD father. Today, they like Goldfish crackers. Later today, they will act like eating them will cause them to burst into flames. Ack!

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    1. Oh boy sounds like you have the same guests as me. ;)

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  6. I suppose it's not very nice that I'm laughing. And I probably shouldn't tell you that the terrible twos are just there to see if you have what it takes to make it through the teen years . . .

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    1. No you can laugh it's fine. Just promise when I'm crying during the teen years you will at least offer me a cocktail?

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  7. HAHAHA this is hilarious, though you have me very scared for a year from now. Cant we skip 2 and go straight to 3?

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    1. Thank you. I know it's scary isn't it? I'm scared and I'm in the middle of it. ;)

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  8. I was reading along, thinking, 'Man, these are the rudest people I've ever heard of!!', and then clued in to what you were really saying. I had a visit from the 'Terrible Twos' family six times. Followed by the 'Horrible Threes' and every incarnation right up to the 'Shoot me, I Have Teenagers' bunch! Your post just reminded me - the granddaughter who lives with us turns two tomorrow. Goodbye cruel world . . .

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    1. Worst house guests ever! hahaha. I wish you the best of luck with your granddaughter and I wish her a very happy birthday. :)

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  9. HAHA, I love it! I wasn't sure who the house guests would be but laughed out loud when they turned out to be the Terrible Twos! Here's hoping for a really long break between their departure and the Horrible Threes' arrival. And lots of wine and laughter while they're there.

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    1. Thank you Kristi. I'm going to need the wine and laughter. :)

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  10. As I am reading this, my 2 yo is on the counter shouting at me: "GIVE. ME. MORE. MILK!" Needless to say, this spoke to me. ;)

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    1. I was held hostage today as well. More milk! More snacks! :) I'm glad I'm not alone.

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  11. Hi, I just came across your blog starting at a mommy facebook page I like, from link to link and so on. I'm a mommy of 3, two of them under the age of 2, and I know how busy little ones are. I just wanted to say that I love your writing (especially this one) but even more so I love that you take the time to respond to your readers. I'm writing this with a 2 year old on my leg and praying the 2 month old stays asleep, so I know how hard it can be. Kudos to you.

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    1. Jennifer thank you for taking the time to write to me and to read my blog. With 3 kids, two of them under three I'm amazed you find time for anything! :) I appreciate my readers. The way I look at it is I love to write but if no one is actually reading my writing then it's really just a diary. Taking the time to interact with my readers is why I do it. Glad you found me!

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  12. If you want to track phone number you definitely need to use some monitoring application

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