Sunday, July 20, 2014

The Plan


I worry too much. I always have.

I worry about everything. I always have.

I worry about the little things.

I worry about the big things.

I worry about the laundry getting done.

I worry about dinner.

I worry about homework.

I worry about the mess.

I worry about the clutter.

I worry about getting to where we need to go on time.

I worry about the kids.

I worry about being a good wife.

I worry about being a good mom.

I worry.

Don’t stress about the small things they say.  It isn’t until you are faced with a big thing that you realize how small the small things  really are.  I’m a mom. I worry because I love my family, but the truth of the matter is my worry won’t solve problems.  My worry will keep me up at night, but it won’t fix things.

My worry won’t change the words that I know I will hear over and over in my head. The worry won’t change the fact that I can’t control it all. It won’t change the fact that I would wish this away if I could. It just won’t.  When you hear a doctor tell you that there is something wrong with one of your children your world crashes down around you. Instantly. What was once your reality is long gone and you look down the road to a new reality hoping for answers.  When you’re a kid you think love can solve everything. The truth is it can’t but it sure does help.  So does hope. So I refuse to lose either of those things.  Life is changing for us and that’s okay. We will go forward with our new knowledge and we will come out stronger on the other side of this seemingly dark cloud.  

Aortic Aneurysm she said.  Significant size she said. We will figure this out she said. He is still a normal 2 1/2 year old she said. We are sending you for more tests she said…and then she handed me a tissue and just like that I looked at him laughing and playing and I smiled because hope and knowledge are what we have and that is a whole hell of a lot.  Life doesn’t go as planned but the plan is life.
 

 
 
What I'm listening to:
 

15 comments:

  1. Jennifer I adore this piece. You have said everything I have felt myself having a child with special needs. You really do realize how small the small things are when faced with something huge. Sending you and your gorgeous family much love! xo

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    1. Thank you Kathy! The support I have received from my blogging friends has literally taken my breath away. xoxo

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  2. Jennifer - I'm sending you hugs! This is a beautiful, moving piece. Keeping you and yours in my thoughts. XO

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    1. Crystal I appreciate that more than I can tell you. Thank you!

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  3. Jennifer,

    I'm sorry to hear about your little boy. Hope is all around us. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs!

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    1. Thank you so much! I appreciate that. :)

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  4. Jen your in my prayers !!! Keep us posted!!

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  5. Jen your in my prayers !!! Keep us posted!!

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  6. Hoping for the best for you and your family. You're in my prayers.

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  7. I understand this so well, the worry. This post certainly puts things in perspective.
    I will most certainly keep you and your family, your sweet little boy in my thoughts and prayers.

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  8. So scary, but I'm so hopeful. Seriously, let me know if I can help with anything at all.

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    1. Thank you so much Kim. I appreciate that and I too and so hopeful.

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  9. I also worry about everything and then I worry about worrying! It's good you have the right attitude. Enjoy this life!

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