Wash, Dry, Fold, Repeat

I know you hear me complaining. I know you hear me when I sigh and say the laundry in this house never seems to end. It's true, you know, it doesn't. It started out small. Little socks for little feet. Tiny shirts for my two little boys. Blueberry stains, applesauce spots, orange juice spills. 
Wash, dry, fold, repeat. 

As the years moved on, the hamper seemed to fill faster and faster. Bigger socks for bigger feet. Larger shirts for bigger boys. Grass stains, ketchup spots, grape juice spills.
Wash, dry, fold, repeat. 

Before I knew it you had both grown so much that you needed your own hampers. Soccer jerseys, baseball pants, ski clothes. Different clothes for my boys who were changing and growing right before my eyes.
Wash, dry, fold, repeat. 

The truth is that behind my complaining is a mom who is desperately trying to remember the smell of your baby pajamas. I remember folding rompers and bibs. I remember losing baby sock after baby sock because there was no way something so tiny was surviving the sock monster that clearly resides in our dryer. 

I remember cleaning skinned knees and kissing boo boos, then hoping that the bloody knee spot would come out of your new cute toddler pants.
I cheer you on at your baseball games knowing full well that the hamper will be full of grass stained pants, ketchup stained shirts, and smelly socks. Sure I roll my eyes, but the truth is I will miss this. The other day as I grabbed all of your clothes out of the dryer I had a flash back to the days of the two of you lying in the grass, waiting for dusk so that you could catch fireflies. I remembered the smell of your clothes after a full day outside. I remembered folding the clothes of my two small boys and feeling happy and content about the day.

The truth is one day I will open that dryer and it will no longer have your socks, or your shirts for me to fold. The two of you are already helping so much with your own laundry, but late at night when you have both drifted off to sleep, I sigh and open the dryer. I sit and I fold your baseball uniforms. I look at the piles and I know that one day they will no longer be there. I look at the piles and I see the both of you. I see your hobbies. I see your favorite shirt that I beg you to stop wearing every other day. I see your pants that you are about to outgrow. I see your sweatshirt you begged for on vacation. I see you. I see who you are, and I remember who you were. As I drift off to sleep I see two little boys lying in the grass waiting for fireflies.
Wash, dry, fold, repeat.

For more like this follow me on Facebook

Moments In Time

There are moments in parenthood that take your breath away. They are not ever the moments you anticipate. They are the ones that catch you when you least expect it. They are the ones that make you stop for a moment and think about how you got here. They are the ones that make you sit and reminisce about all the moments that came before it. They are the ones you know for sure you will one day look back upon and smile while a tear rolls down your face.  They are the ones that bring a smile to your face in that instant. They are what I call time stopping moments.

We all have them. Maybe you had one the first time your baby said mama. Perhaps you had another one when mama changed to mommy and you most certainly had one when mommy changed to mom. Time moves. We don’t always notice it, but it’s constantly moving forward. Life can be so busy. We miss things. We miss things that are right in front of us because we are busy living life.

There was a time when this house was quiet. It was me and my husband coming and going to and from work. It was me and my husband enjoying quiet dinners and sleeping in on weekends. When we moved into our house there were two bedrooms that we never painted or touched. We knew why they were there.  We decided we would paint them when the time came to fill them. For two years I walked past those bedrooms daydreaming about the children who would one day sleep in them. I made a list of what I wanted to do to each room.

1.   Change the ugly bedroom doors.

I hated the doors. They were typical 1970s brown hollow doors. I swore we would change them to beautiful white paneled doors way before children arrived. We didn’t. As with most houses that need work, there were one million other things that kept pushing the doors to the bottom of the “to do” list.  After my first son was born I was too busy to notice the doors. After my second son was born I was too busy to care about the doors. My boys are seven and four now and we are starting to finally get around to projects we had put on hold.

We have been talking about finally replacing all the doors in the house and I was excited. Tonight I put the boys to bed and went into my bedroom. When I walked out I looked at their doors and I don’t even remember sitting on the floor, but there I was sitting on the floor staring at both of their doors. The boys’ doors are covered in stickers. 

 From the ceiling to the floor they are completely covered in stickers.  I have gotten so used to the stickers that I hardly notice them anymore. Oh I’m sure when people come over they notice them and wonder why we would allow them to cover their doors in stickers, but the truth is I knew we were changing the doors eventually so I never really cared. Tonight though as I sat and looked at the closed doors I realized they tell a story.

Behind each door is a child who wasn’t there when we first complained about those doors. Behind each door is a personality. Behind each door is a child who kept me up at night. Behind each door is where I spent hours rocking and feeding and becoming a mother. Each of them has decorated their doors with what most would just see as stickers, but I see their stories.

My four year old might see Buzz Light Year but I see him at two. I see him when all he wanted was all things Toy Story. I see him cuddling on the couch with Buzz and Woody. I see a whole phase that has come and  gone.

 My seven year old might see a NASA sticker, but I see a five year old who was convinced he was going to grow up to be an astronaut. 

As I sat and really looked at both of their doors; memories rushed over me. I remembered taking my seven year old to the dentist for the first time when he was three.  I remembered holding my four year old's hand when he got his first CT scan. I remembered when the cardiologist told us we didn’t have to come back for a year after a year of monthly visits. I remembered the Peanuts phase followed by the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle phase. I remembered that they have always had a love for fire trucks. I remembered the card my cousin sent them from Colorado full of stickers that said I miss you. I remembered the dinosaur phase, followed by the superhero phase, and the cute puppy phase. I remembered it all.  

Suddenly the doors I constantly complain about to my husband no longer seem like something I want to rush to replace. I realized tonight that the doors are not just doors. They are a representation of my kids. They are their childhood. I can’t get rid of them. I’m not ready.  Sometimes we worry so much about getting our houses exactly how we always imagined them to be that we don’t realize they are exactly how we want them. I know there will come a time one day when my house will always be neat. There will come a time when I will no longer trip over matchbox cars and soccer cleats. There will come a time when I will miss it. I don’t always know that, but when I have time stopping moments I realize it. Tonight as I stared at my boys’ doors I realized there will come a day when I will look back and tell them about the doors that told their stories. Tonight I realized childhood moments are captured in the places right in front of us. We are surrounded by moments in time. We just have to take the time to notice them. 

What I'm listening to: 

Ten Things You Can Learn From Your Children Right Now

It isn’t really until you are an adult that you truly appreciate childhood. I guess it’s like everything in life, hindsight is 20/20. Childhood moves quickly and you suddenly find yourself trying to navigate the waters of adulthood. Then one day when you have your own children you are given what some may say is a second chance.

I didn’t start having my children until my thirties. If you are anything like me by the time you hit your thirties your vision of childhood is somewhat clouded. You forget what it was like to think like a child and while some people have not forgotten how to act like one you have certainly put that behavior so far in the back of your mind that you sometimes forget how to bring the child in you back. Luckily for me my children have helped me find her again. I’ve reconnected with the child in me and it’s amazing. Here are the top ten things my children have reminded me of that I had long forgotten:

1.      Laugh. Don’t just giggle or politely laugh at someone’s joke…really laugh. Laugh until you cry. Laugh until you look ugly and have mascara running down your face. Life is funny and laughing feels amazing! Laugh with friends. Laugh with family. Don’t just write LOL actually laugh out loud. It’s good for the soul.

2.      Cry. Don’t worry about what the person next to you thinks. Don’t worry about keeping your emotions to yourself. If you feel sad and you want to cry, then do it. Tears are cleansing and sometimes there is no cure for sadness other than feeling it. 

3.      Run.  Run around with your kids. Don’t just watch them run. Every now and then get up and run around with them. There is a reason your kids are constantly running. There’s a reason no matter how many times you tell them to stop running in the house they find it impossible to listen. It’s invigorating. It reminds you that you’re alive.

4.      Dance. Dance when you hear music. Dance when you don’t. Dance if you have rhythm, dance if you have none. Don’t worry about what you look like.

5.      Find something new and exciting in the everyday. All too often as adults we greet the day with the negative and what we are dreading. We think about the things that we don’t want to do that day. The meeting we have to attend or the running around we have to do. We want to fast forward to the end of the day before it’s even begun.  Find something amazing in the simple things. The way the sun feels on your face at the bus stop that day. The way your child waved at you at preschool drop off. The way you enjoyed every bit of your coffee on your commute into work. Find something to be excited about each and every day. It will make you happier.

6.      Tell someone you love them.  As adults we can be so very guarded with our feelings. While sometimes it’s necessary most of the time it’s not. It’s our pride. It’s our worry of feeling silly. Don’t think about it just say it. Call that friend you haven’t spoken with in all too long. Tell them you miss them. Tell your spouse you love them for no other reason than you were thinking it. Call your Grandma tell her she’s awesome. Don’t hold back. If you feel it, say it. My kids are constantly telling people they love them or they think they’re funny or pretty. They don’t care about rejection. They want to shout their feelings for the entire world to hear.

7.      Don’t be afraid to make mistakes. If you don’t try it you will never know.  If you aren’t making mistakes well you’re not learning. Learning helps you live longer….I don’t have anything to back that up other than common sense. If we’re learning we are participating in life and that keeps us living.

8.      Don’t be afraid to get dirty. My kids run out into the great outdoors without a care in the world. They aren’t thinking about their hair, their clothes or their nails. They are thinking that the worms in the dirt look like cool things to study that particular day. Get outside. Go on a hike. Take your kids fishing. Touch the worm it won’t bite.

9.      Lean on the people who love you. Kids are never afraid to ask for help. If they are unsure about something they ask for guidance. If they are afraid of something they ask for support. As adults we have this thing called pride, and it gets in the way A LOT. Don’t let it. When we lean on those who love us the bond becomes greater.  I haven’t gotten to the end of this road of life yet, but I would imagine that the greater the bonds we make along the way the easier it is at the end.

10.  Let go of the ever growing need for more materialistic things. I’m not always good at this one. I would be a liar if I didn’t say I like a nice bag or a great pair of shoes but the reminder that they really don’t matter is good.  I’ve watched my children receive gift after gift at many a birthday party and then I’ve watched them play pirates in the backyard for hours with nothing but each other and empty paper towel rolls (ahem telescopes) They show me time and time again that all they need is each other and a little imagination.

Children are constantly showing us that life is so much simpler than we make it out to be. Sure we have adult worries that they know nothing about like mortgages and work deadlines but  if we are able to take their cues and add some of these into our adult lives we will be all the better for it.  Get to know your inner child again.  You’ve been missed.