Ten Things You Can Learn From Your Children Right Now

It isn’t really until you are an adult that you truly appreciate childhood. I guess it’s like everything in life, hindsight is 20/20. Childhood moves quickly and you suddenly find yourself trying to navigate the waters of adulthood. Then one day when you have your own children you are given what some may say is a second chance.

I didn’t start having my children until my thirties. If you are anything like me by the time you hit your thirties your vision of childhood is somewhat clouded. You forget what it was like to think like a child and while some people have not forgotten how to act like one you have certainly put that behavior so far in the back of your mind that you sometimes forget how to bring the child in you back. Luckily for me my children have helped me find her again. I’ve reconnected with the child in me and it’s amazing. Here are the top ten things my children have reminded me of that I had long forgotten:

1.      Laugh. Don’t just giggle or politely laugh at someone’s joke…really laugh. Laugh until you cry. Laugh until you look ugly and have mascara running down your face. Life is funny and laughing feels amazing! Laugh with friends. Laugh with family. Don’t just write LOL actually laugh out loud. It’s good for the soul.

2.      Cry. Don’t worry about what the person next to you thinks. Don’t worry about keeping your emotions to yourself. If you feel sad and you want to cry, then do it. Tears are cleansing and sometimes there is no cure for sadness other than feeling it. 

3.      Run.  Run around with your kids. Don’t just watch them run. Every now and then get up and run around with them. There is a reason your kids are constantly running. There’s a reason no matter how many times you tell them to stop running in the house they find it impossible to listen. It’s invigorating. It reminds you that you’re alive.

4.      Dance. Dance when you hear music. Dance when you don’t. Dance if you have rhythm, dance if you have none. Don’t worry about what you look like.

5.      Find something new and exciting in the everyday. All too often as adults we greet the day with the negative and what we are dreading. We think about the things that we don’t want to do that day. The meeting we have to attend or the running around we have to do. We want to fast forward to the end of the day before it’s even begun.  Find something amazing in the simple things. The way the sun feels on your face at the bus stop that day. The way your child waved at you at preschool drop off. The way you enjoyed every bit of your coffee on your commute into work. Find something to be excited about each and every day. It will make you happier.

6.      Tell someone you love them.  As adults we can be so very guarded with our feelings. While sometimes it’s necessary most of the time it’s not. It’s our pride. It’s our worry of feeling silly. Don’t think about it just say it. Call that friend you haven’t spoken with in all too long. Tell them you miss them. Tell your spouse you love them for no other reason than you were thinking it. Call your Grandma tell her she’s awesome. Don’t hold back. If you feel it, say it. My kids are constantly telling people they love them or they think they’re funny or pretty. They don’t care about rejection. They want to shout their feelings for the entire world to hear.

7.      Don’t be afraid to make mistakes. If you don’t try it you will never know.  If you aren’t making mistakes well you’re not learning. Learning helps you live longer….I don’t have anything to back that up other than common sense. If we’re learning we are participating in life and that keeps us living.

8.      Don’t be afraid to get dirty. My kids run out into the great outdoors without a care in the world. They aren’t thinking about their hair, their clothes or their nails. They are thinking that the worms in the dirt look like cool things to study that particular day. Get outside. Go on a hike. Take your kids fishing. Touch the worm it won’t bite.

9.      Lean on the people who love you. Kids are never afraid to ask for help. If they are unsure about something they ask for guidance. If they are afraid of something they ask for support. As adults we have this thing called pride, and it gets in the way A LOT. Don’t let it. When we lean on those who love us the bond becomes greater.  I haven’t gotten to the end of this road of life yet, but I would imagine that the greater the bonds we make along the way the easier it is at the end.

10.  Let go of the ever growing need for more materialistic things. I’m not always good at this one. I would be a liar if I didn’t say I like a nice bag or a great pair of shoes but the reminder that they really don’t matter is good.  I’ve watched my children receive gift after gift at many a birthday party and then I’ve watched them play pirates in the backyard for hours with nothing but each other and empty paper towel rolls (ahem telescopes) They show me time and time again that all they need is each other and a little imagination.

Children are constantly showing us that life is so much simpler than we make it out to be. Sure we have adult worries that they know nothing about like mortgages and work deadlines but  if we are able to take their cues and add some of these into our adult lives we will be all the better for it.  Get to know your inner child again.  You’ve been missed.

Parenthood

No matter how many books you read or words of advice you receive parenthood is a just one of those things that you learn as you go. Sure we have more knowledge than people did years ago but there are just some things that books and websites can’t teach you.

Parenting experts can try to teach you all about sleep schedules and adequate tummy time. They can try to teach you about your toddler, your child, your pre-teen, your teenager and on and on and on. Much like life though, parenthood is best learned by doing it.

In the almost six years that I have been a mother I have learned so many things. It amazes me daily that I have these two beautiful, energetic boys who my husband and I made.  In that short time I have learned:

Love is endless.

Patience is not.

Worry comes with the job.

It does not however, fix things.

Children are individuals and no two are alike.

Children will change you forever in the best ways.

You will be tested in ways you never quite thought possible.

No matter what else comes your way in life they will remain your biggest success and your proudest moments.

You will drop everything for them.

You will put them first.

You will sometimes miss who you once were.

You will love your spouse in a way that is so different than you did before they arrived.

You will cry.

You will laugh.

You will doubt yourself.

You will lean on your friends.

You will talk about poop. You will.

You will hurt for them.

You will try to fix things.

You will love them.

They will love you.

Parenting is overwhelming, all encompassing, hard as hell and beautiful. It often requires tears, wine, friends, and more wine but in the end the journey is about love. The rest of the stuff is just that…stuff.  If there is one thing I have learned it's to embrace it. Embrace the mayhem. Embrace the silliness. Embrace the mess. One day the kids who are making the mess, giving you gray hair, making you laugh, cuddling with you and talking non stop will be grown and you will be left trying to write a book about the things you learned along the way.

 

No Mother Is Perfect: (an interview with two women who know all about it) PLUS: A Giveaway!

Do you remember before you became a mother all the fantasies you had about how wonderful it was going to be…all the time? I barely remember if I showered this morning but I do remember those laughable fantasies I had about how I was going to be a perfect mother with perfect little children. Well thankfully I have come back down to earth and realized perfection is laughable.  You know who else knows perfection is laughable? The authors of the new book The Mother of All Meltdowns. (Get your copy now through Mother's Day for only $0.99 on Amazon)

 

In fact they recently launched a new website called No Mother Is Perfect, a community for the perfectly imperfect mother! A place where you can let your guard down and talk about the meltdowns, struggles, and less rosy aspect of being a mom. (Sign me up!)

When they asked me to be a host for the No Mother is Perfect Blog tour I said yes without hesitation (because I know all about being less than perfect). To celebrate the blog tour they’re having an amazing giveaway and you could win one of three amazing prizes including a three night spa getaway for two.   So be sure to enter by clicking the image below or the link above. The sponsors include:The Oaks at Ojai, Cariloha, Wicker Central, Metropolis Coffee Company, Wind and Fire Jewelry, Chuao Chocolatier, Global Rose, and Anew Riesling.

You can imagine from the title alone that the authors know a thing or two about having a bad day in the world of motherhood and lucky for us they are sharing their stories.  Listen I don’t know about you guys but not only is it nice to know I’m not alone; it’s even nicer to be able to laugh about it. 

I recently had the opportunity to talk to two of the book’s contributing authors; Debra Cole of Urban Moo Cow and Karen of Baking In A Tornado.  Debra is busy with a toddler while Karen is dealing with grown teenagers. I loved being able to talk to two women at different ends of the motherhood spectrum.

Hi Debra I just finished reading your piece in the book and I laughed and laughed because I could relate on so many levels.

When you hear the word meltdown what one word immediately comes to mind?

Tears (mine).

Your story was so relatable. We’ve all been on the other side of a person judging our parenting style or abilities. Do you think you were ever guilty of saying or doing something to another mother that made her feel judged before you had children?

Definitely. I don’t think you realize how fraught new motherhood is until you are in it. Plus, I’m not the most tactful person alive. When my sister gave birth to her first daughter in 2009, I slept on the floor of the hospital waiting room until my niece was delivered. A couple of hours later I went in to see my sister and told her I couldn’t believe how big her belly still was even though the baby was out. OOPS. So, yeah, I think everyone puts her foot in her mouth once in a while. Having said that, people are extremely brazen with perfect strangers in a way that I don’t think I have ever been or ever will be. That’s what my story was about.

What advice would you give to a new mother or a soon to be mother on dealing with her own meltdown?

Just breathe. Breathe and know that this has (likely) all happened to someone else at one point or another. Try to find the humor in the situation. And know that it makes a great story for a book, a blog or a dinner party!

What was your favorite thing about contributing to The Mother of All Meltdowns?

I loved getting to know Crystal and seeing her process. She is a genius!

Besides your own story what was your favorite story or story you could most relate to by another contributor in the book?

For a “funny” meltdown, I really liked Norine Dworkin’s (Science of Parenthood) piece about Lego Stress Land. I have a little boy who is increasingly into building things with blocks and Play-doh. And I’m like, Play-doh! Yay! Let’s make a ball! Let’s make a pizza! Because I’m totally effing useless at creative arts. And he’s like, no mamma, let’s make a train. I know I will break his Lego model someday. I just know it. So I laughed at that one.

For a heartbreaking meltdown, I cried my eyes out at Kristi Rieger’s (Finding Ninee) essay about yelling at her little boy on the soccer field.

In two words what would you say is the best part of being a mother and the worst part of being a mother?

Unbounded love. Loving someone so much is at once intoxicating and terrifying.

Finally, what’s next for you?

I am continuing to write on my blog, Urban Moo Cow, and also pitching to other sites. I recently had a couple of essays published on the Brain Child blog and I have one coming up at Mamalode about why little boys like trucks so much. I also have an essay being published in a new anthology about sleep (or lack thereof) published by the incomparable Lisa Nolan. Plus, we just moved from Brooklyn to a quasi-suburb in the Bronx, so I’m trying to find my new way around a new community. Excellent fodder for new stories.  J

 

Karen of Baking In A Tornado:

What do you immediately think of when you hear the word meltdown?

I cringe when I hear the word. Although this entire book was about admitting that it happens to us all, that we’re human and we all lose it, they aren’t exactly our proudest moments. Maybe some of them are our funniest moments (well, in retrospect at least), but still not our proudest.

I loved the part when you said: “And then I had teenagers. I really didn’t mean to; I meant to have babies.” What do you think is more meltdown inducing being in the trenches with babies and toddlers or with teenagers?

When you’re in the trenches with babies and especially toddlers you think it can’t get any worse. But take my word for it; they’re just the opening act. I think teenagers are more meltdown inducing, but the reason is my own fault. I taught those d@mn kids to talk. Big mistake. Teenagers are just big toddlers who can not only aggravate you with their actions, but add in the trouble resulting from whatever may come out of their mouths and you’re on the non-stop to Meltdown City.

What advice would you give mothers with young children who will one day find themselves in a house with teenagers?

Stay in shape. Because somewhere in the not so distant future those kids will be teenagers and it’s best if you can really run. Yeah, I’d like to be all intelligent and thoughtful and insightful but let’s get real here, the best advice I can give is “run”.

What was your favorite part about being a contributor for The Mother Of All Meltdowns?

I liked the diversity of the group that put this book together. The greatest part about reaching out to people with our stories is the fact that we are all different people with unique life circumstances. But we all came together to admit that sometimes things get harder than we expect. And in those moments we can all lose it, then put ourselves back together and go on trying to be the best parents we can be.

Besides your own story what other story in the book was one of your favorites and why?

Now I adore you, Jennifer and you know that. But I didn’t just fall off the turnip truck yesterday. No way am I picking out a favorite. And not because “if I told you I’d have to kill you”, but because if I told you someone could kill me.

In two words: The best part of motherhood, the worst part of motherhood.

I only need one word. For both parts of the question: kids.

In some circumstances they are our greatest achievement. In others they show us our own flaws. But we wouldn’t have it (or them) any other way.

Finally, what’s next for you?

This is the hardest question. I’m not really sure. One son started college this year and the other goes next year. My muses have left the building. I won’t be baking as much. I won’t be venting as much. I expect I’ll be incredibly lonely. How I write is, by necessity, going to have to change.

I’m fortunate enough to have a very interactive Facebook page. I asked the people who’ve been reading me for the past year and a half what they’d like to see me write about and I’ve got some great input from there to consider.

And I’m honored to be supported by an amazing group of talented bloggers who I’ve never met but call friends, including you. I’ve been encouraged by many to write a book of humorous illustrated Fairy Tales inspired by an amazingly popular post I wrote called Fairy Tale. Don’t know if I’ll finish it but I’ve started it.

I have a few other collaborative book offers I’m considering as well. So I guess I’ll be busy after all.

 

I would like to thank both Karen and Debra for being open and honest (just like their stories in the book) with these questions. I can tell you without any hesitation that you will be able to relate to more than one story in this book. You will laugh, you will cry and you will shout HOLY COW I AM SO GLAD I’M NOT ALONE!  So what are you waiting for? Order your copy for only $0.99 on Amazon now through Mother's Day and don’t forget to enter the Amazing Giveaway.