The Rules of Parenting

Tonight as I was making dinner I could hear my children laughing in one of their bedrooms. They were playing and having fun and most importantly staying out of my hair while I made dinner. I decided to go see what they were up to and as I walked down the hallway I suddenly got the feeling that I wasn’t going to be happy with what I found. They weren’t in either of their rooms which meant they were in my room. As I walked in, I slipped on something slippery and landed straight on my ass. As I looked up from the floor the two of them were jumping on my bed and having what I can only describe as a baby powder/baby lotion fight. Imagine a food fight but with baby products. I know right?!

My husband was at work and I had a brief moment as I laid on the floor where I could have decided to stand up and go all Liam Neeson on them. Instead I calmly got up and said: “You will both clean this up NOW!” and I walked out.

I returned to the kitchen and did some Lamaze breathing (see I knew that crap would come in handy at some point.) I then proceeded to send a text to two of my girlfriends and I started to laugh. That’s right there I stood, knowing full well that my entire master bedroom was covered in baby lotion and baby powder and I decided to laugh. When I became a parent, okay maybe not the moment I became a parent, but at some point into my first child’s life I decided that I would have two mantras on parenthood.

1.     Laugh. Because if you don’t laugh you will cry and crying is just not a daily option over laughter.

2.     Stop taking life so seriously. No really stop.

Somehow along the way I’ve forgotten my own parenthood mantras.  I take things way too seriously and all too often I could cry in the bathroom rather than laugh in the living room. Tonight for whatever reason I remembered the promise I made to myself almost six years ago and I decided to laugh. That doesn’t mean I allowed the kids to think it was okay to act like a couple of prisoners trying to teach the warden a lesson, but it does mean that I laughed about the fact that said warden fell on her ass in a pile of Johnson & Johnson baby lotion.  I smell fresh and I’m moisturized so…win, win.

So tonight I decided I’m making a new list of parenting rules for myself. I’m printing it out and hanging it on my refrigerator because somewhere along the way I’ve let the stress take over and I’m not the mom I want to be. Feel free to print your own copy:

 

1.     Laugh. Just laugh because crying is not ALWAYS the best option.

2.     Cry if you have to. It’s okay to cry every now and then.

3.     Stop taking life so seriously. No really stop it.

4.     Allow the kids to be kids. They only get one chance at this and they will love you for it.

5.     Set boundaries for them and for you.

6.     Embrace the mess.

7.     Make time for yourself. You deserve it.

8.     Get together with your girlfriends more. They make you #1 and if for some reason you are going to #2 they will hug you and give you wine.  (The numbers refer to this list only so stop worrying about rushing off to the bathroom)

9.     Ask for help when you need it. It doesn’t mean you’re weak. It means you finally figured out you’re not a Transformer.

10.  Take one moment every single day to breathe…just breathe and look at your kids. Really look at them. Look at them when they don’t know you’re looking and you will remember all the reasons you signed up for this gig in the first place.

 

  

The To Do List

I like lists. I always have. I like to make lists, but mostly I really like to check things off of lists as I accomplish them. (Refrain from making fun of me.) Before I had my children I used to make lists all the time. I would get up in the morning and make a list of things I needed to pick up on my way home from work.

1.     Eggs

2.     Milk

3.     Bread

4.     Wine

5.     Chocolate

On my way to work I would start to make another list in my head of the things I needed to accomplish once I got into the office that day. Once I actually got into my office and got myself my hot cup of coffee, I would sit down at my desk and write the list in my head down onto paper.

1.     Answer emails

2.     Return Bob’s phone call.

3.     Print Purchase Orders

4.     Schedule meeting.

5.     Attend meeting.

6.     Find out where Becky got her shoes.

7.     Get car washed.

8.     Go to the bank.

9.     Make a mani/pedi appointment for Friday.

10.  Finish Report.

By the end of the day I had always accomplished everything on my list. That’s right EVERY. SINGLE. THING. I mean I may not have crossed them off in the order I had written them down but man alive I got all that crap done.

Then…I had kids.

I still like making lists. I just don’t accomplish much of the things listed on them anymore. Half of the time I don’t even get to write everything on the actual list that runs through my head all day long. Now a typical list looks something like this:

1.     Make a list (this is in my head)

2.     Go to the grocery store.

Milk, eggs, bread, goldfish, chicken, Cheerios, applesauce, yogurt sticks, snacks, oh and more snacks.

3.     Go to Target.

Pull-ups, wipes, kids shampoo, toilet paper, and at least 8 things I don’t need.

4.     Make cupcakes for school. (Crap I forgot to buy stuff for cupcakes!)

5.     Call husband tell him to pick up pre-made cupcakes on his way home.

6.     Schedule birthday party.

7.     Wash all the sheets and towels.

8.     Answer emails.

9.     Answer text messages from yesterday (yup that’s right I have to remind myself to do this. I literally will look at a text and then have to put my phone down because “I’m done pooping!!” is being shouted down the hallway and off I go.) Sometimes I feel like I have the attention span of a dog….Squirrel.

10.                        Oh crap speaking of dog, feed the dog.

11.                        Put sheets and towels in the dryer.

12.                        Put more laundry in the washer.

13.                        Vacuum.

14.                        Sign the kid up for soccer.

15.                        Find out how you sign the kid up for soccer.

16.                        Take a shower.

17.                        Call the plumber.

18.                        Wine. Buy wine.

19.                        Start dinner.

I can tell you on an average day I accomplish # 1, 10 & 18 (because duh!) the rest of the list gets interrupted by helping with homework, breaking up Lego fights, icing my foot from said Lego fight, reading books to the kids, answering 112 toddler questions before noon and making the kids three meals a day. I’ve learned I don’t really need the list anymore. All the list accomplishes is reminding me what I didn’t do all day. At the end of the day when I get into bed and the boys are happy, safe, loved and sleeping I chalk that up as a success. Today I potty trained the 3yo and I took a shower and for that I get some type of extra flipping bonus points. Ah crap I think I forgot to feed the dog.

 

Ten Things You Can Learn From Your Children Right Now

It isn’t really until you are an adult that you truly appreciate childhood. I guess it’s like everything in life, hindsight is 20/20. Childhood moves quickly and you suddenly find yourself trying to navigate the waters of adulthood. Then one day when you have your own children you are given what some may say is a second chance.

I didn’t start having my children until my thirties. If you are anything like me by the time you hit your thirties your vision of childhood is somewhat clouded. You forget what it was like to think like a child and while some people have not forgotten how to act like one you have certainly put that behavior so far in the back of your mind that you sometimes forget how to bring the child in you back. Luckily for me my children have helped me find her again. I’ve reconnected with the child in me and it’s amazing. Here are the top ten things my children have reminded me of that I had long forgotten:

1.      Laugh. Don’t just giggle or politely laugh at someone’s joke…really laugh. Laugh until you cry. Laugh until you look ugly and have mascara running down your face. Life is funny and laughing feels amazing! Laugh with friends. Laugh with family. Don’t just write LOL actually laugh out loud. It’s good for the soul.

2.      Cry. Don’t worry about what the person next to you thinks. Don’t worry about keeping your emotions to yourself. If you feel sad and you want to cry, then do it. Tears are cleansing and sometimes there is no cure for sadness other than feeling it. 

3.      Run.  Run around with your kids. Don’t just watch them run. Every now and then get up and run around with them. There is a reason your kids are constantly running. There’s a reason no matter how many times you tell them to stop running in the house they find it impossible to listen. It’s invigorating. It reminds you that you’re alive.

4.      Dance. Dance when you hear music. Dance when you don’t. Dance if you have rhythm, dance if you have none. Don’t worry about what you look like.

5.      Find something new and exciting in the everyday. All too often as adults we greet the day with the negative and what we are dreading. We think about the things that we don’t want to do that day. The meeting we have to attend or the running around we have to do. We want to fast forward to the end of the day before it’s even begun.  Find something amazing in the simple things. The way the sun feels on your face at the bus stop that day. The way your child waved at you at preschool drop off. The way you enjoyed every bit of your coffee on your commute into work. Find something to be excited about each and every day. It will make you happier.

6.      Tell someone you love them.  As adults we can be so very guarded with our feelings. While sometimes it’s necessary most of the time it’s not. It’s our pride. It’s our worry of feeling silly. Don’t think about it just say it. Call that friend you haven’t spoken with in all too long. Tell them you miss them. Tell your spouse you love them for no other reason than you were thinking it. Call your Grandma tell her she’s awesome. Don’t hold back. If you feel it, say it. My kids are constantly telling people they love them or they think they’re funny or pretty. They don’t care about rejection. They want to shout their feelings for the entire world to hear.

7.      Don’t be afraid to make mistakes. If you don’t try it you will never know.  If you aren’t making mistakes well you’re not learning. Learning helps you live longer….I don’t have anything to back that up other than common sense. If we’re learning we are participating in life and that keeps us living.

8.      Don’t be afraid to get dirty. My kids run out into the great outdoors without a care in the world. They aren’t thinking about their hair, their clothes or their nails. They are thinking that the worms in the dirt look like cool things to study that particular day. Get outside. Go on a hike. Take your kids fishing. Touch the worm it won’t bite.

9.      Lean on the people who love you. Kids are never afraid to ask for help. If they are unsure about something they ask for guidance. If they are afraid of something they ask for support. As adults we have this thing called pride, and it gets in the way A LOT. Don’t let it. When we lean on those who love us the bond becomes greater.  I haven’t gotten to the end of this road of life yet, but I would imagine that the greater the bonds we make along the way the easier it is at the end.

10.  Let go of the ever growing need for more materialistic things. I’m not always good at this one. I would be a liar if I didn’t say I like a nice bag or a great pair of shoes but the reminder that they really don’t matter is good.  I’ve watched my children receive gift after gift at many a birthday party and then I’ve watched them play pirates in the backyard for hours with nothing but each other and empty paper towel rolls (ahem telescopes) They show me time and time again that all they need is each other and a little imagination.

Children are constantly showing us that life is so much simpler than we make it out to be. Sure we have adult worries that they know nothing about like mortgages and work deadlines but  if we are able to take their cues and add some of these into our adult lives we will be all the better for it.  Get to know your inner child again.  You’ve been missed.