Today’s post is part of The Secret Subject Swap hosted by Karen over at Baking In a Tornado My subject is: You're the creator of a magnificent new invention! What is it and why did you invent it? It was submitted by Daily Dose of Damn This was so fun to participate in and I hope you will have fun reading it.
Mom Brain, according to the Urban Dictionary it is the phenomenon known to mothers where their brains become useless piles of goo after being around their children for too long. I would say this is 100% accurate. My brain has officially become a pile of goo. I will walk into a room on a clear cut mission but once standing in said room I couldn’t tell you what that mission was even if you offered me money. I go to the grocery store with a full written list in my hands yet somehow I get home and find out I have forgotten at least three things on that list. I have been known to have full conversations with my husband and forget the content completely. It’s awful. I for one am sick of it. I want my brain back. So it got me thinking there has to be something that will help my goo turn back to brilliance. (Okay that may be pushing it but stay with me).
I’ve invented something and you are going to want it. The other night I was sitting in my bed stretched towards the wall while trying to tweet on my charging phone and it hit me, why can’t we recharge our brains? So mom’s I invented the brain recharger. It’s simple really and requires no electricity. Please let us not take up another outlet as they are all filled with phones, lap tops, IPads, IPods, and the like. The mommy brain recharger comes in one simple package. You send away for it at www.bringmemybrain.com and 5 weeks later (when we remember to send it to you) it arrives on your doorstep. When you open the box you will find, bubble bath, wine, an unbreakable wine glass, ear plugs, an eye mask, a neck pillow, a gift certificate for a mani/pedi, a business card for a free babysitting service run by only the best, background checked, Mary Poppins like women. You will also find a mandatory order to take a random 2 hour nap at a paid for hotel while Mary Poppins plays with your little or not so little rug rats. Your house will be clean, dinner will be made and your kids will behave better than you could have ever imagined when you get home.
The best part is when you get home your brain will be with you mama! You will be able to think again like you did back in college, okay high school, okay whenever you were actually at your best. You will walk into a room with a purpose and you will not forget what it is. You will have conversations again without losing your train of thought and suddenly thinking about a poop diaper. You will be focused and ON YOUR GAME! The best part is our Bring Me My Brain package comes with a money back guarantee and if you buy it within the next two weeks and mention this post you will get the package valued at *Too expensive for you* for 26 easy payments of $19.95. How can you beat that?! I mean honestly I don’t think you can really put a monetary value on having your brain back do you?
So what are you waiting for pick up the phone and dial: 1 800-my-brain-is-goo these packages won’t last long.
Disclaimer: Not all mom brains can be cured with one package. Some women may require a series of packages before seeing a noticeable difference. Some women have been known to order repeatedly. You may experience sadness once you are finished with the package. Under no circumstances are you to hold the baby sitter hostage. Once you return home she goes home. Some women may lose motivation to return to normal household duties.
|This woman clearly took it too far.|
Some women may hide in the bathtub for longer than expected. If any of these side effects should occur please don’t call us we barely have time to send out the packages let alone answer the phone.
The preceding post is a work of fiction an invention or fabrication as opposed to fact. If you should attempt to call 1800-my-brain-is-goo or visit www.bringmemybrain.com you will be met with disappointment.
Go take a look at the other June Secret Subject Swaps. It’s fun and no one ever gets hurt I promise.
Baking In A Tornado
blogspot.com Searching for Sanity
com Black Sheep Mom
Indian American Mom
blogspot.com/ Daily Dose of Damn
blogspot.com/ A Working Mom's "Whoas"
com Dawn’s Disaster
Akashic Aisles:The Basement View
blogspot.com The Pursuit of Normal
Home on Deranged
com Evil Joy Speaks