Friday, October 18, 2013

Late to The Party

I’m always late to the party. It’s gotten even worse since I’ve had kids. You know the drill. Their needs come first so of course getting ready for anything is a project in and of itself, but actually getting anywhere on time is damn near impossible. It’s inevitable if I’m going to a girls night out that everyone else is ready to order their second drink and I am just flying through the door like a wind storm.

I’m constantly underestimating how much time it is actually going to take me to get ready to go somewhere. After all I used to just have to calculate how much time it was going to take me to shower and be presentable but now I have to account for feeding two kids, getting them dressed, breaking up at least two fights, explaining to the sitter what they need before bed and of course kissing them 258 times before I am able to actually get out of the door.

So for someone who can’t even make it to a girls night out on time can you imagine how hard it is for me to keep on top of the holidays? It’s damn near impossible. Retailers have made it impossible for moms like me to participate in the current holiday and it’s time they know it.

Dear Retailers,

I’m a mother of two boys who both ironically enough arrived early. I am notoriously late for everything since their arrival.  So you can imagine my constant frustration with the timing of each season and holiday seemingly arriving earlier and earlier every year. You see I have this thing called a calendar and I still try to stick with it, but it seems we don’t follow the same one.

It’s October and I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect to go to a store and stock up on Halloween Decorations. You, however think it’s already time to stock up on CHRISTMAS decorations. So you can see why as a mother who is notoriously late for things this would pose quite the issue. I mean as far as I’m concerned I’m actually on time for this. That’s right ON. TIME.

As I stand in your store looking around in a panic for pumpkins, ghosts and witches I am instead met with Santa Claus, Poinsettias, and Elves. It’s insanity. I am able to finally find my Halloween décor on the clearance rack, and believe me I’m not complaining about the money I’m saving but I am complaining about the panic you cause when I think I am actually LATE for a holiday. Not only have we not even had Halloween yet but last I checked Thanksgiving still comes before Christmas.

As I stood in my kitchen this morning preparing my kids breakfast a commercial came on with Christmas music and I damn near burned the waffles thinking I must have fallen asleep for two straight months. Hahaha retailers you got me again.  Every day as I walk to my mailbox I begin to sweat knowing what is inside of it waiting for me. They started arriving about a week ago and they haven’t stopped. The infamous holiday catalogs are quickly piling up and I haven’t even bought my Halloween candy.  It’s not just holiday décor but clothing as well. You see both my boys need new winter coats this year and I know if I don’t hurry up and get on that in the next three days I will go to your stores and be greeted with displays of shorts and bathing suits. You can see why I would be confused as I stand there in my Uggs and coat.

So I’m asking you this. Please slow down a bit. Let’s keep Fall around for a little longer. Let’s stay focused on Halloween and Thanksgiving before we move onto Christmas and Hanukkah. Perhaps we could focus on Valentine’s Day before moving on to Easter and 4th of July. Although who knows maybe at some point you will start doing things so early that this notoriously late mom will be a full year early for everything.  For now I'm off to the store to stock up on candy, because all my kids care about is that Halloween is right around the corner.
Outsmarted (always late) Mommy

Is anyone else confused?


  1. My aunt emailed me earlier this week, asking for my son's Hanukkah wish list. Yup, she's the one person they're catering to.

    1. My mother in law already asked for Christmas lists too. It drives me insane.