Kathy is the mom of four lively boys and one angel in heaven. When she is not busy wiping boy stuff off walls, she blogs on kissing the frog about what life is really like after all your dreams come true, including infertility, depression, and the loss of a child to cancer. Her writing has been featured on Huffington Post Parents and Mamalode.
You can follow Kathy on Twitter and Facebook and of course read her journey at Kissing the Frog.
The Moms Club
When I became a mom, there were so many “clubs” I was eager to join: the stay-at-home-moms, the Gymboree class moms, the school volunteer moms, the moms-who-lunch.
Being one of the cancer moms was never on my radar.
After all, who expects to hear, “Bad news, it’s a tumor,” from the ER doctor after you’ve taken your five-year-old son to the hospital via ambulance because he’s had a seizure.
Not me. Never.
But I did, and it changed the way I see mom clubs forever. There are still so many ways we moms find to exclude each other these days. Yes, there still are Mommy Wars going on.
But when you’ve held your child as he takes his last breath, none of what moms squabble about seems to matter.
My husband told me once a long time ago when I was talking smack about another mom that “it’s all in what you know.” And I’ve come to find that as true.
When your biggest problem is that your child keeps losing his shoes, you’re going to complain about it.
When your biggest problem is that you’ve lost your child, shoes aren’t really a big deal anymore.
When Joey had cancer, some of my mom friends would complain about certain things to me. And then they would stop suddenly in wide-eyed horror and say, “Oh, but it’s nothing compared to what you’re going through.”
No, generally, it wasn’t. But not everyone loses a child (thank God!). As mothers, we all have our own burdens to bear which are difficult for us in our unique circumstances. None of us can say what is hard for another mother to handle until we have a walked a mile in her running shoes (or wedges or cute fall riding boots).
I have many blessings in my life as a mother. I’ve been able to be a stay-at-home mom and take my kids to Gymboree classes and shop and lunch with my friends. Many moms don’t get that. Instead, they look at me and say, “I could never handle what you have been through.”
I remember once, when my twins were little, I saw a mom with triplets who were about five years older than my sons. I looked at her in amazement and said, “Wow, I don’t know how you do it! I don’t think I could.”
She looked from me to each of my twins to Hubby and back to me and said simply, “Yes, you could, because you are doing it. It’s really no different than what I’m doing.”
And I realized, yes, I was doing it. I am doing it each and every day. We all are. We are all doing our best with the situations we have chosen and been handed.
So when other moms say to me, “I don’t think I could do what you’re doing,” I look at them and say, “Yes, you could.”
Because really, we’re all in the same club, after all: the moms-who-love-their-kids club. And we’re all doing a great job with what we’ve been given.
This is why I love Kathy so much!ReplyDelete
"It's all in what you know." So true.
You and me both. She is so right. It really is all in what you know.Delete
Thanks Kerry. I wish I didn't "know" about certain things, but unfortunately I do. :(Delete
Thanks for having me today!!ReplyDelete
My pleasure! Thanks for being hear and sharing this beautiful post with us.Delete
I loved reading this, and I love that you pointed out that despite our differences as moms we all are just doing the best we can - and from what we know - as members of the moms-who-love-their-kids club. xoReplyDelete
We all do a great job in our own way!Delete
You are spot on with so many things...I hate the phrase, "I could never..." yes, we all can when we HAVE to. I also totally 'get' that mentality of all of sudden nothing seeming big. I also hate it when I hear, "but that's nothing compared..." Don't compare then!ReplyDelete
I KNOW you know, my friend! We never know how strong we are until being strong is our only choice, right? xoDelete
Wonderful post, but then again, Kathy always has something wonderful to say. She makes me remember that not everything is as big as it seems, and we are all in this together.ReplyDelete
Thank you, Melissa! I do think all of us parents are in this together. I'm not crazy about the phrase "it takes a village," but it's kinda true.Delete
Kathy's words ... wow.ReplyDelete
It is all in what we know, isn't it? And being our best when the time comes. When Grace came off the soccer field after a terrible blow to the head, she collapsed in my arms, and my heart shrunk and grew all at once. It's just loving our kids, and that's a club I'm proud to be part of with you, Kathy.
You're such a great dad, Eli. You remind me that Dads are in this, too, with us!Delete